Thursday, December 28, 2006

Another Auld Lang Syne

Merry Christmas. Happy New Year.

Somebody, please shoot me.

My dad spent all day Christmas vomiting into a garbage pail, we thought as a result of the chemo. When his legs completely gave out from under him the next morning, we weren't so sure anymore. We had to send him by ambulance to the hospital. They still don't know what's wrong. His readings are all off the charts, his blood counts continue to drop, they will transfuse him this afternoon, he still can not support his body weight or stand. Maybe it was another stroke, or maybe a tumor in the brain. He is just soo sick.

The prince spent Christmas day sneaking beer and hiding the empty cans around the house. Another dysfunctional version of hide and go seek the empty cans. My favorite find was under the bathroom sink.

My brother a large part of his Christmas day getting drunk, insulting and picking on me. Knowing how sensitive I have always been about my weight and my anorexic tendencies, he kept calling me fat and chubby since I gained a few pounds from quitting smoking. He managed to get the whole family in on the fun. Even the Italian. And then they will all be shocked and bewildered when I starve myself for a week.

Asshole has been on his silent vodka binge for his vacation. Not that I could really tell. I haven't been home. But you can smell it and see it on his face and hear it in his voice.

The Italian boyfriend is mad at me and not speaking to me because he took my mom and I to dinner after the hospital last night and then he was going to come in and I hesitated because my uncle was there and he got mad, said I disrespected him and then he left and when I called to try to make up he yelled and cursed at me and then hung up on me three times. I'm not sure if we are broken up now or not. I'm not sure I even care.

I just had a breakdown in front of my boss. Cried my eyes out. How very professional.

My idiot friend was thrown out of her place by her even bigger idiot boyfriend again and she wants to stay with me again and I don't want her too. I am having a hard time telling her this. She is lazy, doesn't work and lays around sleeping in my bed all day, while I am up at 6 and working all day. Her MO is she will stay for a week swear she wont go back to him then she does and I don't hear from her for 8 weeks until he beats her up again and then she shows up back at my house again.

This just can't be it.

Friday, December 15, 2006

I used to do a little but a little wouldn't do it...

My mother is an alcoholic. My mother is my best friend. There is no other person in this world that I love more or would rather spend time with than her. Until nightfall when she starts with her wine. She was hospitalized for a week or so last winter for congestive heart failure. She had the DTs while in the hospital. Her alcoholism and poor diet contributed to her illness. She didn't drink for about a month after that. Then she went back. She didn't drink alcoholically when I was growning up, all though she was always a "drinker", probably never a normie at all. Her disease progressed the last few years while my father was getting sicker and sicker. She says she drinks to help her deal with her shitty hand in life and to help get her through this. She admits she is an alcoholic but does not want to get sober. I find it so sad. My whole family went to dinner earlier in the week, there were 9 of us. My husband and I, my little one, the Prince and his girlfriend, my Uncle and my Mother in law, and my parents. We had a drink at the bar while we were waiting for the table, and then we sat down. She proceeded to finish off a bottle of wine at dinner. She gets a little loud, never nasty, but louder than normal, and sometimes says inappropriate things. I hate to say that she embarrasses me or that she embarrassed the prince, but I had to keep telling her to "not say that". I just always wish these dinners would be different.

I was surprised to see that my husband did not drink too much at dinner. I thought maybe he was controlling his drinking. I know, stupid blonde. So the next night I can hear his alarm clock going off at 5:00 in the morning and its blaring and blaring so I go downstairs to shut it off thinking he must have gone to work early. The door is wide open, the TV is blasting the lights are on, there is an empty bottle of vodka on the counter, and no sign of him. So now I have to play find the passed out drunk before my younger son does. I finally found him passed out naked in the Princes bed. Real f-ing nice.

I think I read it in a comment that dAAve posted somewhere about this disease.... Cunning, Baffling, Powerful...

Monday, December 11, 2006

6 weird things about me

Wow, I have been tagged. This is my first tag. I am oddly moved....

The rules are as follows: Each player of this game starts with the 6 Weird Things About You. People who get tagged need to write a blog entry of their own 6 Weird Things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog. Here comes the weird...

1- I can only watch TV in bed. Cant sit on the couch, lay on the floor or watch it in the kitchen. I must be laying in bed. My bed.

2- When I was a little girl I used to suck my thumb and twirl my hair. I have long outgrown the thumb sucking but still twist and twirl my hair into little knots. Especially when I am feeling stressed. There have been many times in the office where people have come up to me and asked me why there are little knots sticking up on my head.

3- I have food issues. Lots of them. I wake up more often than not in the middle of the night and eat junk food. Usually snickers or mallowmars. On more than one occasion I have woken up in the morning with smeared melted chocolate on me and the bed linens. Is it any wonder I sleep alone?

4- I have an insane, completely unnatural fear of bugs. Especially spiders. I can not sleep if there is a spider in my room. I have come extrememly close to getting into serious car accidents as a result of a bee or a spider being in my car.

5- I obsessively put on hand cream. At least 30 times a day. I go threw cases of hand cream a month.

6- I am fascinated with prisons. I have seen every prison movie ever made, and read any book I can get my hands on that has to do with prison. I had a friend as a teenager who went to prison and when he came out I would sit with him mesmorized for hours listening to him tell stories. He has since died of a heroin overdose.

Ok, so I tag Dr. Jeckyl vs. Mr. Hyde , Alanoner for life, MsManna, and One Gay at a time.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


The Prince has been living at his grandparents since the relapse and I can honestly say, I have never been happier. His grandmother brings him home every morning to catch the bus to his program and picks him up every afternoon. I say Good Morning to him and discuss whatever is happening and I continue to get ready for work and he lays down until his bus arrives. This morning we discussed his present state of flunking out of high school, he rolled his eyes at me and again said he didn't plan on repeating his senior year. It is hard for me to not engage and start a fight. But I didn't. My heart started racing, but I kept my cool.

His grandmother has plans on Saturday and asked if we could take the Prince for the day. I felt the blood drain from my face. G-d forgive me, but I don't want him there for even a day. He will pick a fight, he will start with me, he will steal something, he will torture his brother, I am just not up to it. I said only if his father would be home. Yeah right.

So I feel I have to share something with my fellow bloggers. I have a secret. Depending on how you view these sort of hings it is either a bad secret or a good secret. I have been seeing a man. Yes, technically I am married. But it is strictly on paper. We have had separate bedrooms for 3 or more years and haven't been intimate in as long. Except for once while on vacation in the Bahamas a few years ago when he fed me too much wine with dinner. So anyway, I am seeing someone. He is older. Fourteen years older and he is old fashioned of the boat Italian. Not that that is a bad thing, just something I am not used too. It was nice in the beginning, the wining and dining, the phone calls, flowers, little gifts. He knows my situation and I explained from day 1 that I was a little it broken and not up to anything serious and I could make no promises as my kids were my priority and that this was just a friendship that was blossuming. He listened to me, he is so supportive of me, he knows all my drama, my parents like him. My mom knows what is going on and she is happy that someone is finally taking care of me and that I seem happy for the first time in a million years.

I have a few good friends that are of the male persuasion. One I used to work with and we have remained great friends, he is 6 years younger than me. He is not a threat. Our friendship is mostly through email and occasional phone calls. The other is a friend that I also communicate mostly through emails with, we also run/walk together when our schedules allow. We have been friends for almost 14 years. There isn't even sexual tension between us. I told him about these friends and explained that I wasn't going to give them up and he would have to deal with that when we first got together. He accepted it.

Until recently. He is becoming fiercely jealous. Possessive. He gets mad at me for nothing and hangs up on me and then doesn't speak to me for days. I have to runoffs and kiss his ass and make up. Sooo not like me. Yesterday he was telling me about some earrings he bought for his daughter and they sound exactly like a pair my old work friend bought for his girlfriend and I remarked how funny that was that they both choose this kind of earring. He flipped out and pretty much hung up on me. He knows what I am going through with my Dad being so sick, my Prince being so F-ed up, my cold from Sneezy McSneeze, and all of my other drama. He hasn't called me since. I have decided not to call him either. I didn't so anything wrong and just cant understand why I keep making these bad choices and decisions in my life. Is this just more co-dependency? Am I so desperate to be loved and taken care of? Are you all going to judge me and call me a slut and say no wonder my Prince is so screwed up?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

No more homework, no more books.....

And now, I have a cold. I was sneezed on by Sneezy McSneeze. And now I am sick. I swear, I am getting so beyond bitter that it is starting to scare me.

Received a message on my voice mail at home last night from the Prince's science teacher. The prince is failing Science. He refuses to do any class or home work, does not participate and in general just doesn't care. I told him this morning if his plan was to fail and not graduate this year so he can repeat his senior year in his old school next year that he is sadly mistaken. That the house is going on the market in January and I will be no where near this town next September and he would have to go to school wherever his grandparents live because they are talking about moving this year as well or somewhere in the city where his father plans on moving after we sell the house. He says he will graduate. Yeah right.

Then today I received a call from his math teacher saying the exact same thing. I really wish I knew what this kid was thinking. I told the teacher that I had nothing to offer her as far as a solution because I can not make this kid do anything. That if is choosing to fail, then so be it. He won't listen to me or anyone else. I could just hear the judgment through the phoneline.

I haven't smoked a cigarette in 53 days and my clothes are getting a little tight. Time to take action, step away from the mallowmars and maybe dust off the running shoes....

Friday, December 01, 2006

Sneezy McSneeze....

Thursday night is bowling night. We have to be there by 6:30. In a perfect world I could walk out of the office at 4:30, get home by a little after 5 change my clothes, check homework, and get to bowling on time and unstressed. Mine, is not a perfect world. My world is a whirlwind of having to be some place all the time and I seem to spend too much of my time sitting in traffic on the LIE. I hate traffic, and I hate the LIE.

So I managed to misplace my glasses on the way to bowling. Apparently I bowl better when I cant see anything. Who knew? As I was leaning down squinting to see our bowling stats from 2 weeks ago, one of the guys we were bowling against sneezed on me. I mean, he covered his mouth and nose slightly but he actually sneezed on me. I have never been so freaked out in all of my life. He didn't even go to the rest room to wash his hands. Then he was high fiving everyone when they bowled well with his sneeze filled hand. What is wrong with this world?