Monday, May 04, 2009

You know it aint easy, you got to hold on...

I watched the film, "Rachel getting Married" this weekend. How very dark and sad this film was. I almost had to turn it off and walk away from it. I was surprised by how deeply I was affected by it. I usually love movies and or books with any addiction related theme. I guess I was just taken back about how hopeless it seemed to be for the Anne Hathaway character, to find a little peace and forgiveness for her addiction related sins. I guess that to me, she still seemed so hopeless and misunderstood that I questioned her long time ability to maintain sobriety. Especially when she seemed to truly lack any real support within her family.


Yes, I also was able to recognize the depths of pain and tragedy she brought upon her family. And I know how difficult it is to forgive the addict in our lives. But seriously... why weren't these people working a program of their own?


Not sure where I am going with all of this. Maybe it reminded me of the days when the Prince was living home with me, and stealing from us, and living with the fear of what was going to happen next and if I would wake up and find him not breathing in the morning, and which Price would be sitting at my dinner table. He seems to be in a really good place these days. I do not see him that often, usually just in passing when he is at the house borrowing my mother's car or dropping it off. We have not done anything socially together in quite a long time, and this has been choice. Sometimes, well, I don't want to take the chance of the Ugly Prince rearing its ugly head.


Maybe since my youngest son is fast approaching the age when my Prince was sucked deep into the dark world of drugs, alcohol and addiction, that I am subconsciously afraid he may go there too. The genes of addiction run through our blood like water. I am fearful. I am mistrusting. I snoop. I know if it is going to happen it is going to happen, and it is out of my control. I have been told that most if not all teens do some level of experimentation with drugs and alcohol, and that is to be expected. I know my youngest has some self esteem issues as well, and he takes the easy way out of most things. I know all kids have an inherent need to fit in. I fear he will choose the low road to find his place in this world, and I do not think that I am physically equipped to go there again.

6 comments:

Cat said...

Its scary watching our children grow, knowing that there could be a lottery ticket drawn upon them when they least expect it, when they did not even play the lottery.

I think it is never too soon to begin educating them about the disease.

When I watched this movie, I had my husband watch it as well - it was a dark movie, but so much of that family I could relate to - those feelings of not being able to trust her after so many times of her being untrustworthy... when do you try again, how do you try again?

vicariousrising said...

I thought Anne Hathaway was brilliant in that movie. I had hope for her character. Maybe not for the short term, but I was rooting for her.

Trailboss said...

I watched that movie this weekend as well. I was surprised at it. Pleasantly surprised though. I don't really know what kept her from just going somewhere else until her sister's wedding was over. I thought she was treated unfair by her sister. Oh well, its a movie but real life too.

Pen to Paper said...

Let me just say: You will NOT be given anything that you can not handle. You will NOT be asked to do something that you are not able to deal with. Trust in that and you will be OK. What proof of that, go to the 10th chapter in 1st Corinthians, 13th verse. Whatever is ahead of you is something you and only you can deal with.

Syd said...

I hope that the Prince will be okay. But it's best to live each day and take things as they come. Haven't seen the movie.

Indigo said...

Amazingly enough you will be strong enough...Mothers seem to have reserves of love they never knew they had at times when they need it most.

We all fear for our children, addict or not. I went through the same circumstances with my daughter you went through with the Prince and the crazy thing was she wasn't on anything. Just frighteningly rebellious. At one point when she moved out, I changed the locks on my doors...I was that afraid.

Unfortunately kids don't come with guarantees. A mothers love does. I believe in you dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo