Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Shut up, shut up, Don't wanna hear it...

On my drive into the office this morning I had a long phone conversation with a good friend. Actually, she is married to one of my cousins. Her husband is the brother of my cousin who introduced me to the monster last year. In order to simplify this, I will call her, Buzz.

Buzz and I are the youngest of 21 first cousins in our family. I am just a little more than a year older than her. We were always rather close growing up. She has 5 older brothers and no sisters. As I also have only a brother, so we were sort of like sisters growing up as our families were very close.

As we grew up, we began to develop our own form of sibling rivalry. Her parents did not have alot of money for extras, as they were raising 6 children, whereas my parents, both worked, and there was only my brother and I, she therefore felt like I had it easier and better. We were both married and had children at around the same time. My two children were born six years apart, and I was able to buy a house before the birth of my second child. She had her three children within 4 years of each other and lived with her parents until they could afford to rent a small house.

She was a very poor money manager and did not want to work. They were always behind in their rent, phones and electric turned off, etc. It bothered her that I did not endure the same problems. She drank alot, ate alot. Never lost her baby weight. Jealousy started brewing and kind of tainted our relationship over the years. We would go through fazes of spending time together, speaking regularly, and then she would feel some unwarranted anger towards me. Then she would go out of her way to bash me and spread gossip and lies about me throughout the family.

Fortunately for me, most people in our family know what she is like and that she has a big problem telling the truth, and so it never really bothered me much. My regret here, is that I usually ended up forgiving her and moving past the drama and reconnecting. This is how I ended up meeting the monster.

She was friends with him and encouraged the two of us getting together. That is, until he and I were together. Suddenly she wasn't so happy about it. She basically trash talked him to me and trash talked me to him. Ultimately, we once again stopped speaking.

After the Monster beat me, she sent me a brief email inquiring if I was OK and I replied, that No, I most certainly was not. No response form her. Whatever. Fast forward to now. The friend I spoke to this morning has informed me that Buzz, is telling anyone that will listen various versions of the story of why I was beaten. One version states that I was jumping on his back, scratching his eyes out and putting cigarettes out on his body and he had to "knock" all 100lbs of me off of him to protect himself. Another version states that we were fighting over drugs (!) and that is how it started. Another version states it was all exaggerated and I knew the cops, was probably sleeping with the cops, and that is how I got him arrested, because I was madly in love with him and he was trying to break up with me.

I am furious. I am indignant. I mean who the F is this person to talk trash about me when she has no idea at all about what happened? A part of me wants to call or email her and defend myself. Tell the truth, set the record straight. I realize, clearly, that this cousin is one sick puppy and I need to never reconnect with her again. She has issues. Issues that I don't feel comfortable sharing here. Kind of like, don't want to sling any mud when she cant defend herself, you know?

I am just feeling very hurt and can not believe that this person has nothing better to talk about than what happened to me, at the hands of her friend. We all know the old saying, there are three sides to every story, his, mine and the truth. It irritates me that she feels compelled to spread this nonsense about me without at least attempting to hear my side of the story.

Buzz is getting married again in a few weeks. The monster is in her wedding party. This is creating quite a stir within the family. People who I have never told about the beating. She is the person who made sure everyone in the family knew what happened. So, I am now, once again, the subject of gossip and lies, not to mention it is being said that I got what I deserved.

I cant help but feel angry and want to defend myself. And then this morning, when I arrived at work, the following "recipe" was in my email in box:

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to God about what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today. I am thankful for______________'
4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants. 5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli , almonds & walnuts.
6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
17. Forgive everyone for everything.
18. What other people think of you is none of your business.
19. GOD heals everything - but you have to ask Him.
20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!
22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________ Today I accomplished _________.
24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings. You'll be smiling before you know it.
I feel better already!


~ Tabitha ~ said...

Detach from the bullshit of others.
Who gives a hoot what others are saying Kel..You're trying to move on my friend..don't let stuff like this hold you back!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saying.

Print that recipe and tape it somewhere in your life so you can read it daily Kel..I love it too!!!

Pam said...

Well girl you know I'm mean right?
OK...I would do this: Start telling anyone who will listen the sweetest things you can think of about her. Talk about how happy you are that she is getting married. Talk about how beautiful you know she will be as a bride. Talk about how sweet and trusting she is that she does not really realize how horrible Mr. X is (your ex). Bless her heart, you hope that he will never turn on her because you would NEVER want her to suffer like you have.
I would tell everyone that it's so sad how she doesn't like you anymore since you think she is just the bestest girl in the whole wide world.
Cuz I'm just sneaky mean like that ;)

mother of drug addict said...

WOW! If I tried to do all that stuff in one day, I wouldnt have time to live. LOL

I say Get Mad and Get Over it, You know the truth and screw anybody who is stupid enough to believe her.

Cat said...

With family like that who needs enemas - haha! Sorry - I like the list alot and what timing! As for your cousin say 'Adios' to her - if after several times you have forgiven - and she continues to behave badly its time for you to take care of yourself - you are not her door mat - dont give her the opportunity to treat you like one! Oh and go to the wedding and get really drunk - bring a pal and knock the wedding cake over - oooops! No seriously go for it she deserves it! Cat

AlkySeltzer said...

Someone told me today at the 5:30 PM meeting, "PARANOIA WILL DESTROYA".

I don't mean that YOU are par., just that is one of MY old Pals, against which I must still occasionally guard

Lou said...

I have to agree about the list..sounds good..but what the hey! I think sometimes you should get pissed off. Like in this instance, Kel. Go to the wedding in a hot dress with a hot date & jump up at the dinner and yell "there's a rat under the table"

sKILLz said...

Dam thats ALOT of stuff to try and do. Do I have to do that all in one day? Shit just thinking about it is hurting my brain.LOL.

Dam girl you know some people just have NOTHING better to do then talk shit about others.
Let me tell you, when I go to my program everyone has something to say about someone.
Shit you know how many of them talk shit about me?? I'm a bitch, I think who the fuck I am, I'm cocky etc etc.
They all say this because I TRY to keep to myself, I always have nice things (clothes jewelry MONEY.LOL.)
Shit they would have if they didnt spend every last done on fuckin CRACK, DOPE & PILLS!

Anyways point is people are going to talk shit no matter what you say or do.
Of course it stings a lil more when its someone you know and thought you were cool with.
Seems to me like she is jealous of you and that where it stems from you know?

Listen you keep doing you and taking care of your kids and dont worry what this bitch says.
Shit if I confronted all the people who talked shit or talking shit about me I would be out of breath and its too precious to waste on people who have nothing better to do then talk about others...
Holla at me anytime...
Stay Up!

Ungodly Sobriety said...

Uhhhggg! I would be totally furious myself. I think you have reason to be. We all have a right to be angry and hurt!!! The point is to react in a healthy way! I think you've got the recipe right!

Misery Marketing said...

sociopaths are total funsuckers

pat said...

Wow Kel.

Molls said...

OHMYGOD, I love Lou's idea! Yes, rise above all that crap. That email has some amazing and wise words
Good luck, and thanks for following my blog Kel.

Beth said...

Oh family drama and being the subject of family gossip. So been there and done that... and so grateful I'm miles away from that physically. Since moving far away physically isn't an option for you... I suggest you take that journey emotionally... they are just not worth it. Just look at that recipe
#7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

All's well that end's well.

Anonymous said...

wow...just found your blog and you've helped me today by posting this list. thanks

Shut Up And Smile said...

Thanks for sharing the recipe...I think I'll post a link to it at my blog http://shutupandsmileheroes.blogspot.com/