Tuesday, April 08, 2008

When the moment arrives and you know your gonna be alright...

Thursday is his second court date. I need to call the DA's office to see if I need to be there. I am torn between wanting to go and not wanting to go. I do not think I need to be there, not at this point. Either way, I will keep you posted.

Anyway, I am feeling better each day. I am feeling more empowered, almost glad to not have him in my life as I am seeing alot of my old friends again lately, I went to the MET on Saturday with a friend and saw an exhibit that I had wanted to see and enjoyed greatly. After viewing the exhibit, we sat at the Balcony Bar in the museum, listening to the small live orchestra, sipping champagne and enjoying a lovely cheese platter on what was probably the first beautiful, warm spring day this season in New York City. If I was still with the monster, I would not have been able to go with my friend, it would have been taken as an insult, it would have caused a huge fight where I would have been called names, probably something would have gotten broken, and to be honest I never would have even considered telling him I wanted to go with my friend.

Something about that afternoon made me feel like the winner. This was one of my normal routine things to do with my girls before I was with him: going to museums, discovering cool, funky restaurants and trying different foods, exploring Central Park and taking gondola rides on the great lake (gross and green, but still cool its in the park) and dinner at the B-House, picnics at wineries, and botanical gardens, etc. He was the one who lacked culture. His social life was comprised of hanging out in the local gin mills in his hometown with the regulars, the people he grew up with that past the age of 40, still make pub crawling their priority, regardless of whether they have families or not.

I hope this isn't sounding too judgemental. But it just suddenly occurred to me on Saturday that my life was better before him, and I am starting to see that it will once again be better without him. He did not bring anything to the table to complement my life. He just brought me down, tried to take me down to his level, because HE was the one who wasn't worthy, HE is the one who is broken and damaged, HE is the one who has the self esteem problem.....

So this is me. Taking back my life with a F-ing vengeance.

10 comments:

Jaqui said...

Good for you!! Nothing feels better than taking back your own life.

Tab said...

Fuck ya.
There is only one you.One life.
It's yours...make it your best.
Because that is what you deserve.
xo

pat said...

Wonderful. Wonderful. I am dancing on the table in joy.You are finally taking back your power......

Wife de Dingus said...

This is great! I am so happy for you and excited that you have turned the corner.

Mark this post down somewhere...so if you are having a down moment you can remind yourself!

Syd said...

Good Kel, very good. Continue to keep the focus on yourself. You deserve all that life has to offer. And I'm grateful that you are recognizing that.

Beth said...

Good for you, damn I miss NY.

Misery Marketing said...

Dont ever give up your great life again for a boil on the ass of humanity.

Athena said...

OMG - If only my daughter could have such an epiphany. If only she will have such an epiphany, soon -

Good for you!

Pam said...

ah-ha....she's back :)
thank goodness.

vicariousrising said...

YES! YES YES YES! Roar, woman! Let me hear you roar!