Thursday, April 10, 2008

I need to be with myself and center, clarify...

So hold on to your chairs... I have news. Last night I went out on a date. A real date. With a grown up. I was scared half to death. This does not in any way imply that I am ready to be back in a relationship. Not by a long shot. But I did feel the need to be validated again, to feel attractive again, to silence the echoes of the monsters voice in the back of my mind telling me that no one else would ever want me.

Apparently I am a decent date. He wants to take me out again. I didnt feel any big sparks or particularly attracted to him, but then something clicked in my head. My relationship with the monster started out so physical. It was pure attraction, an absolute sexual chemistry from the moment we met. We didn't really date, didn't take the time to get to know one another. It all just happened so fast. I didn't take the time to see the red flags, to get to know him before we were so entangled. Apparently, this is important in building a real grown up relationship. I am still learning all of the rules here.

And I really think I am going to be OK.

5 comments:

Beth said...

Getting to know a person without the physical aspect is definitely important, it builds that foundation of trust and it generally shows you exactly who the person is and who they can be... if either one of those two scares the crap out of you, you can get out.

I'm glad you think you are going to be ok... the next step is to KNOW you are going to be ok. One step at a time.

Syd said...

Hey Key, that's great news. Just remember to keep the focus on you. It's all about you not the other person. Like Beth said, if you feel anything in your gut that tells you to beware, then heed that feeling.

Syd said...
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pat said...

Slow and steady Kel. You sound great.

Misery Marketing said...

I think Im supposed to say something like "You go girl!" but I aintagonna.Glad you are doing better and feeling all hopeful and shit though.