I have always found Valentines Day to be the cruelest of holidays. Especially to those who were in bad and unhappy relationships (present company included), alone, and not by choice; widowed; or in current situation my Mom finds herself in, spending each day after work sitting by my Daddy's hospital bedside watching him slowly, painfully and miserably die. After having spent your day at work, sitting at your desk watching the flowers and chocolates being delivered to the other ladies in your office and feeling inadequate or unloved or just plain sad, and having to endure hearing their plans for romatic candlelight dinners out. I just find it so mean and hurtful.
This year, I was the recipient of the dozen long stemmed roses delivered to my job. I was horrified. I know I should have felt loved, appreciated and special, but I did not. It just made me feel like I was throwing my "good fortune" of being with a man who is willing to shell out a hundred bucks for flowers that will be dead by Monday in the faces of others who lack the same so-called good fortune.
I am a very private person. I do not share much with my co-workers and I have very few friends left. My peers do not know I am seeing someone and that is the way I prefer it. I felt like an idiot. I was surrounded by all the busy bodies wanting to know about the new beau. As if they are entitled to know my personal business simply by virtue of sharing the same office space 40 plus hours a week and our paychecks being signed by the same accountant. It was incredibly uncomfortable and awkward for me. I know, I know, I seem to lack the warm and fuzzy gene.
I am also aware that new guy sent these roses for exactly this reason. All part of the control issue. He does not agree with my philosophy that my private life is exactly that: MY PRIVATE LIFE. I do not feel compelled to announce from the rooftops that I am in a relationship. I do not want to be the girl at work who makes the other girls feel badly because they did not get flowers. Maybe I am overreacting. But still. I think I have PMS.
Hope all my friends out there are feeling some love today, but even if you are not, please know, that I love and appreciate all of you so much for being exactly who you are.