Tuesday, December 18, 2007

and I will be the one, to hold you down...

I am in a very bad and dangerous place. The new guy has turned out to be a madman and he beat the crap out of me last night and tried to strangle me. This abuse has been going on for a few weeks. Starts with a fight because he gets jealous angry or controlling and then it escalates into him freaking out, destroying and breaking things and last night it got out of control and he hit me. Hard. My jaw is all out of line and my neck is bruised from him trying to choke me. I brought this man into my family and into my sons life and took him out last week and let him back in and he was removed by the police last night and now I have to hurt my son once again and I think I am going out of my mind and I need help and have lost friends already over this man and I am scared to death and he is mean and scary and nasty and says horrible things to me during his outbursts. I need to break free. I need a new life. I need to find myself and I have no idea how to do that.

9 comments:

vicariousrising said...

Oh my god! And I don't want to sound histrionic. I am so glad you called the police. I'm sure your friends have not really left you. They are probably just scared to death for you and would be glad to help you if they know you need help keeping this creep out of your life.

I know you don't know me in person, but if there is anything at all I can do, email me at vicariousrising@msn.com.

I am so sorry things have gone this way. I will be praying and thinking about you.

Lots of love,
Judith

Tab said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pat said...

Kel,
I am having a difficult time with this post. As a matter of fact, I read it twice yesterday and once this morning. It scares me to see you going through all of this. I wish I could talk to you in person, give you a hug, but I can only send you my support. I like to tell you what to do about that that "jackass" you are involved with but I can't. What I can tell you is to take care of YOU. There is something that is so deep and painful within you, that is directing you, to make the choices, you are making in regards to the men in your life. If you can get to the root of that, I think you can heal and be able to move on. Again, here is my personal email if you want to chat off the blog. pzysk14@verizon.net

TodayTodayToday said...

Hey Kel, Thanks for your sweetness and Im so sorry you are going through that with your Dad. I dont know what to say about this post other than you are obviously a very sweet, intelligent, sensitive person. Like most of us, our desires and compulsions help us justify things that hurt us. Please be careful because this guy is a very dangerous person. I hope you do find yourself. I think Ive found myself and I got to tell ya, Im not impressed. Im pretty lame.

Beth said...

Admitting it is the first step to overcoming it. You can do this... look at what you have accomplished already.

Sylvia said...

Break the silence, make the call
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
http://www.ndvh.org/

Get away from this man. There are places to call and go to if necessary. I have been there and know what you are going through. If you need to talk, email me
2feeleys@gmail.com.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Syd said...

Kel, no relationship is worth abuse. No one needs to put up with abuse. My hope is that you will see that you need to put yourself first, that you are too good for this shit. And this man isn't a man. He's a sick person.

JUST ANOTHER ADDICT said...

Kel:
it is now 12/27 and I hope things have improved for you.
You deserve so , so much more.
Reach out to those who love you and can help you. You don't have to do this alone.
Please let us know how you are!

sKILLz said...

This is my 1st time here and this was my 1st post that I read from you.
I'm sorry that this happened and I hope everything is ok. You havent posted in a bit and I really hope your ok and everything.
Stay strong and keep your head up. I know this is hard but just stay strong!! You have people that care about you and that love you.