I have been blogging for almost 2 years now. I have never set up "rules" for my blogging, I blog when I have time, or when I need to vent, or when I have something to share or when I just have something to say. I have made some wonderful connections through my blogging and even had the pleasure to build a real life friendship with one of our blogger peeps. Over the summer when I was at one of my low points, I remember when I was having a meltdown, that I would think about how I was going to put it up on my blog and it would comfort me knowing that there was a place I could go to share my innermost self with or without judgement from the blogging community. I can honestly say, other than the crazy anti-aa guy, I have never had anything but thoughtful, caring people leave me comments. I have come to genuinely care about so many of you and your lives. I consider each and everyone of you a blessing in my life.
Lately, I have not been blogging regularly, but instead, I have been reading more of your blogs out there and I wanted to share some of my feelings about that. I feel as though I am on the verge of one or two things, either a complete breakdown or possibly a complete breakthrough. As I follow the journeys of others out here I feel so much less alone. I see that others have lived destructive lives of alcoholism and addiction and through the grace of g-d and with lots of strength have come through to the other side and choose to live a sober life one day at a time. I am in no way minimizing their battles because I believe it to be just that. I am simply able to find comfort in knowing that there is a program out there, for if and when that time comes, my Prince can find his way to a clean and sober life. I have learned through all of you, that it IS possible and their can be a happy life for him someday despite the demons he must fight. I thank you all for this.
I recently came across a blog where a young woman is sharing her story of her active addiction to heroine. She supports this habit by selling herself. She actually refers to herself as "Street Meat". Her writing is articulate and cohesive. Her story is about as frightening as anything the mother of an addict wants to know. But she is still alive and therefore there is still hope and I have added this young girl to my prayers. I applaud her honesty and I do not judge her or her family. Because as the mother of an addict; I know, there but for the grace of g-d, go I...
I have read the stories of other addicts parents. It amazes and impresses me, that you could live through every parents worse nightmare, the death of your child through this dreadful, horrible disease, and still find the energy to not only get out bed in the morning, but to get onto your computer, and share your story with anyone who cares enough to read it. We are an amazing bunch. We have a common thread and I guess that creates a bond that only other parents living through this can comprehend. And there is no judgement. No ridiculous advise, no finger pointing. WE get it. Collectively, we are the only ones who can understand that addiction CAN and DOES happen to good people.
I seem to have been given more than my fair share of sickness, tragedy and misfortune in my life. It is very easy to feel sorry for myself and do the whole "why me" thing. However it gives me strength to know that my story, when thrown in the mix here, well, it's just another story. No better, no worse. The end of it is far from being written, and I know from all that you share, neither is yours. It just has to be taken one day at a time. Nothing more, nothing less.