Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before...

I have been blogging for almost 2 years now. I have never set up "rules" for my blogging, I blog when I have time, or when I need to vent, or when I have something to share or when I just have something to say. I have made some wonderful connections through my blogging and even had the pleasure to build a real life friendship with one of our blogger peeps. Over the summer when I was at one of my low points, I remember when I was having a meltdown, that I would think about how I was going to put it up on my blog and it would comfort me knowing that there was a place I could go to share my innermost self with or without judgement from the blogging community. I can honestly say, other than the crazy anti-aa guy, I have never had anything but thoughtful, caring people leave me comments. I have come to genuinely care about so many of you and your lives. I consider each and everyone of you a blessing in my life.

Lately, I have not been blogging regularly, but instead, I have been reading more of your blogs out there and I wanted to share some of my feelings about that. I feel as though I am on the verge of one or two things, either a complete breakdown or possibly a complete breakthrough. As I follow the journeys of others out here I feel so much less alone. I see that others have lived destructive lives of alcoholism and addiction and through the grace of g-d and with lots of strength have come through to the other side and choose to live a sober life one day at a time. I am in no way minimizing their battles because I believe it to be just that. I am simply able to find comfort in knowing that there is a program out there, for if and when that time comes, my Prince can find his way to a clean and sober life. I have learned through all of you, that it IS possible and their can be a happy life for him someday despite the demons he must fight. I thank you all for this.

I recently came across a blog where a young woman is sharing her story of her active addiction to heroine. She supports this habit by selling herself. She actually refers to herself as "Street Meat". Her writing is articulate and cohesive. Her story is about as frightening as anything the mother of an addict wants to know. But she is still alive and therefore there is still hope and I have added this young girl to my prayers. I applaud her honesty and I do not judge her or her family. Because as the mother of an addict; I know, there but for the grace of g-d, go I...

I have read the stories of other addicts parents. It amazes and impresses me, that you could live through every parents worse nightmare, the death of your child through this dreadful, horrible disease, and still find the energy to not only get out bed in the morning, but to get onto your computer, and share your story with anyone who cares enough to read it. We are an amazing bunch. We have a common thread and I guess that creates a bond that only other parents living through this can comprehend. And there is no judgement. No ridiculous advise, no finger pointing. WE get it. Collectively, we are the only ones who can understand that addiction CAN and DOES happen to good people.

I seem to have been given more than my fair share of sickness, tragedy and misfortune in my life. It is very easy to feel sorry for myself and do the whole "why me" thing. However it gives me strength to know that my story, when thrown in the mix here, well, it's just another story. No better, no worse. The end of it is far from being written, and I know from all that you share, neither is yours. It just has to be taken one day at a time. Nothing more, nothing less.

15 comments:

Tab said...

wow.Breakdown or breakthrough.
It's your call Kel and I can tell by your courage you will breakthrough.I know the bloggers out here share from the heart and do inspires to hang on to hope.
Learning to keep faith in yourself Kel is one of the best ways you can help your life and loved one's.
And no two lives are the same even if they may sound similiar.THAT is what makes blogging such a unique way to find inspiration.The diversity reminds us we each have a story that no one can write the ending too..hence the interesting if not frustrating at times,journey.Sharing makes it all the more bearable.
I love your sharing here Kel..You sound like someone liberating their spirit and mental health.
I know you feel overwhelmed right now but practicing one day at a time or even one breath at a time helps...YOU have helped me in your Blogging..and I just love you for you and your support.Even though I can't blog right now..I will try to keep in touch when I can.
YOU ARE A FABULOUS HUMAN KEL XO
Hope you and petite have fun tonight! Happy Halloween !

pat said...

Sounds like a journey to self- discovery to me and I applaud your courage to place one foot in front of the other. The one thing I have learn from these past eight years is although things seem hopeless there is still hope. When things seem the darkest, dawn is right around the corner. Living with addiction means there are a lot of bumps in the road and sometimes you fall into a pothole or two but the funny thing about life is there is always the chance to begin a new day. What I also have learned in the eight years is that it is easier to live with the positive aspects of life than the negative ones. I think you have finally turned the corner. Congrats.

Sylvia said...

Amen! Enough said.

Sylvia said...

I think we will be kindered spirits in the blog world and the world as a whole. I was just writing another post about having two blogs, one for addicts and one for the other people. I have found that the other people do not seem to be able to deal with honesty about my addictions or the abuse and I have to have a place to be honest, not only with other bloggers but with myself. Most of all I need a place where I am not judged but know someone does understand.

Syd said...

Kel, I think that you can make it a breakthrough. You seem strong to me and bright. You know what you need to be doing to help yourself. Your posts are always helpful because I see the pain that you have, and it makes me realize how fortunate we are to have such a program to help us when we are miserable.

Jaqui said...

Sometimes I feel the same "why me" but it helps to know that my family isn't the only one going through this. It also helps to have great people like you reading my blogs and giving encouragement.

I would like to read the blog about the woman in active addiction if you can let me know where to find it.

Beth said...

yep, this blog-o-sphere does bridge the gaps that make up this world. BTW: sounds like a break through to me.

vicariousrising said...

It makes me feel better to know you are in the world with me, Kel. You are a lovely woman. I hope this is a breakthrough for you.

Peace.

Matty said...

Wonderful post, thank you.

ScOuT said...

Wow this is a very powerful post.
I would say its a breakthrough and NOT a breakdown.
Peace, kel,
Scout

Beth said...

Come out come out where ever you are

Namenlosen Trinker said...

This has nothing to do with what you posted. However, you’ve been tagged. You can read the particulars in this post of mine.

Namenlosen Trinker said...

Kel, you okay?

~MsManna~ said...

You are amazing...keep coming back!

Mantramine said...

Hi, I just found your blog. I am not so good at getting around the blogosphere. Glad to have found you though. And my two cents are, breakdowns are always break throughs in the end. For what it's worth