The life Ive left behind me, is a cold room...

So, can anyone please advise me on how to delete ridiculous, unwanted comments?? I have been hit hard this past weekend.....

My niece has been staying with me for the last week, she is staying another week. She is not related to me by blood. She is the daughter of a girl who had been my best friend for most of my life, since junior high school maybe. Her daughter was born three months before the Prince, and we basically raised them together. Her marriage failed within a year of her daughter being born, and she then entered one dysfunctional relationship after another, never securing stable employment, never home to take care of her daughter, etc. A year or so she got involved with a man who was still married, yet he wanted to own her as well. She ended up quitting what little employment she had at the time, spending all of her time with this so called man and ultimately, lost her apartment, her car and most of her self-respect. Her daughter had to move to North Carolina to live with her grandparents. This man beats her up, throws her out of the house and then begs her to come back and then the cycle repeats itself again. I have heard from more than one person that cocaine and alcohol abuse play a large part in their lives. This is ultimately what has damaged our relationship, she is toxic, and I fear this man will one day kill her and I can not do anything about it. Once again, me trying to control a situation that is outside of my control.

My niece has told me that the Prince is using pot and alcohol on a daily basis. I knew this, and I suspect cocaine as well. He has one of those friends social pages and his picture on his profile is a picture of him in the backseat of someones car, swigging directly from a large bottle of something wrapped in a brown paper bag. How charming. So not only is he still choosing a dangerous path to take, he is doing it once again with pride. Letting the whole world know that he thumbs his nose up to sobriety.

He has sold a cell phone, and another hand held video game. His response is that he can not "find" the video game and he gave the cell phone to a friend cause it didn't work. I wonder when exactly did he decide that I was a complete idiot? He has been trying to get his hands on another video system that belongs to him and La Petit. I know this is because he wants to sell it. I am not going to let him take it. It is back to having that feeling of being completely unable to trust him and not wanting him in my home at all. Not even for a few minutes.

In spite of this all, I am in a remarkably good place. I am able to function and focus on myself and La Petit and plan for our future. That future is very close. In approximately one and a half months we will move into our new home. Hopefully sooner. I am very excited. I feel more and more secure that I am doing the right thing. I spent some time with an old friend over the weekend, someone I hadn't seen in many many years. She is still married to the same man that she dated in high school, we were in each others wedding parties. She has two beautiful children, they bought a lovely home near the beach. You can see she is happy. She admits to lots of bumps in the road but she is still happy and her life is a nice one. She does things. She plays volleyball on a team, she goes to the gym. Her life is full and she looks complete. For the first time in a very long time, I felt nothing but pure happiness for another person. I am seriously prone to jealousy and self pity (I know, this is a huge shocker to those of you who have been reading my blog for a while) and for once, I felt GOOD to see another human so settled and having a good life. For the first time ever I felt that I could be in that position in a few small places.

This letting go business is tough stuff. But I am finally understanding that I must be in control of my own life, feelings and ultimately my destiny. Maybe I am going to have to let my guard down just a bit and be a little vulnerable and not worry so much about everyone else. There could be a life out there for me after all...