Received a phone call from my father in law one evening earlier this week. He picked up the Prince from work and did not like the way he looked, implying he looked high or something like it, and he articulated that to the Prince in no uncertain terms. The Prince, in true princely fashion proceeded to freak out on his grandfather and went into his typical rant how everyone is against him and how much it pisses him off to be accused of doing something wrong all the time, and how it is total bullsh*t that he has an 11 pm curfew, blah blah blah.
This, is typical Prince Charming using behavior. I can feel the spiral beginning. I am thinking maybe it is going to be pills this time. I explained to my F-I-L that I knew for a fact that the Prince was smoking pot and drinking regularly, nightly actually. He didn't seem to believe me, or didn't seem to want to hear it is more accurate.
Today, I finally had a conference call with his old HS (he did not graduate this past June as he should have) I have battling with them all summer to get his education back on track. They have finally approved him for home instruction to fulfill the final few credits he needs for graduation. He will receive home instruction from a tutor at the local library for eight hours a week and if he takes it serious, he will graduate in January. He will able to keep his full time job as well. I am trying not to project too much and trying to have a little faith in him (thanks for the cue there Tabby...) that he will do the next right thing.
I often feel as though I have let him down so much. Then in letting him go, I cut him out of my life, and sometimes out of my heart. I am a type A personality. There is very little room for gray area in my life. Our relationship is a formal, pleasant one at best. But to me it seems almost non-existent. We speak occasionally on the phone, when he can spare two seconds for me. I see him once every few weeks. To be fair, I do not often go out of my way to see him either. I am still so hurt and wounded by his choices and I think at some level I am also preparing for what I still fear will be his own death from an overdose.
I love him so much, but I still just do not like him very much right now. That's okay isn't it?