Thursday, June 28, 2007

You say it's your birthday...

Sorry I haven't posted all week. I am happy to say this is not a result of any new drama. Just a busy week at work. I work on a fiscal year that closes tomorrow and therefore this is my hell week.

Last Sunday was my 39th birthday. Thank you Tab for putting up the birthday props!! I love you girl!!! This was probably the nicest birthday celebration weekend that I ever had. I guess when you do not expect too much, it exceeds your expectations!! Last Friday I went out for dinner with a great friend of mine from my old job. She is probably about 14 years older than me, but she is like a sister to me. She lost her brother to Pancreatic Cancer almost 20 years ago so she understands what I have been going through with my Dad the last few years. Her husband, her senior by another 14 years is also currently dying of cancer. Liver Cancer. He is an alcoholic and the abuse to his body is not helping his cause. We are able to speak freely to each other regarding our feelings of her husband and my Dad dying and that is just nice. Refreshing. We do not have to sugar coat it and we can laugh and make jokes about our situations.

Saturday night a few of my gurlies took me into Manhattan for dinner and a show. It was an audience participation show, it was a faux prom, and it was a blast. We laughed and danced all night. I haven't done that in years. My body felt it the next day, though. BIG TIME. Sunday, my real birthday, 33 people from my family, cousins, aunt and uncle and the cousins kids, my mom, La Petit and myself, went to a Mets game. It was coincidence that it landed on my birthday, I am an Yankee fan, but we had a blast. How nice to see all of my cousins, grown with kids of our own, and some of the grown cousins kids even have kids now. It is nice to have family. We wrapped up the day with a BBQ back at my parents. I am getting along much better with my mom these days and it was just a perfect weekend. The only negative part of it was that the Prince did not show up for my BBQ. It hurt me deeply. When I saw him Monday night briefly he said he went out instead and then tried to backtrack and say he thought I would be at the Met game until late that evening even though I told him that morning we were having a BBQ at around 6:30.

I did not freak out, I barely let him see how hurt I was. I just said, Oh. OK. And I let it go. I am very sad at the way our relationship is going. We barely have one at all. He doesn't call me and I don't call him. Maybe just once or twice a week. He is doing his own thing, I haven't gotten any reports from my in laws regarding him drinking or drugging. So I can assume he is behaving. I can only pray. I guess we will just have to give it some time until we are both comfortable with the roles we are going to play in each others lives. I am just not sure what that is going to be at this point. I think I am afraid to get too close to him again for fear of him lying to me and him drinking and drugging. I am trying to accept him for who he is and then I guess the rest will just come naturally?

So maybe I will throw out a little gratitude...
  • Finding out that I have 2.5 unused vacation days that will give me a 4.5 day weekend starting at 1 o'clock this afternoon
  • Spending the last birthday of my 30s with my friends and family and really feeling the love
  • La Petit actually skipping onto his camp bus this morning on his way to his first day of camp, he is still such a sweet innocent little thing
  • Blogger buddies who share their advice, love and experience with me, it really gets me threw the days and it still amazes me how close to you all I feel
  • Friends and family leaving me voice mails singing Happy Birthday, something bout that just brings a big old grin to my face
  • The Prince seems to be holding it together, just for today
  • The ability to feel gratitude and the means to express it

Have a great day y'all!


Tab said...

What a positive read Kel :)
I understand that sinking feeling when our first borns miss special family is easy to feel hurt.I try to trust it is all part of this phase in their lives.I know my kiddo loves his family and I know yours loves his too.

You sound like your birthday was surrounded by love and laughter though.How wonderful to read..
you are such a shining inspiration to all of us Mom's just trying our best and not forgetting to laugh along the way :)

Big hugs your way and email when you can over your holidays :)

Love Tab xo

Redhead Gal said...

Happy belated birthday hug to you, Kel! You sound positive and that's great. As for the Prince, he's a teenager, what else can I say? They've got their own agenda whether they are involved in substances are not. Glad yours appears to be doing okay on that front.

ME, myself, & I said...

Awesome, I'm glad you had such an awesome birthday! Have a great weekend!

pat said...

Happy Happy Belated Birthday.....

Nettie said...

Happy Birthday Kel. We share the same month. We Gemini's are good people.

vicariousrising said...

Happy birthday, Kel! I'm so glad it was a mostly great celebration for you and that you allowed yourself to enjoy it too. You should congratulate yourself for that feat as well.

Geminis are great people. They get along great with aquarians like me :)

Enjoy your hard earned vacation! Love you!


Syd said...

Kel, Happy belated birthday! I'm glad that you had a chance to celebrate in such a good way. Just keep on with your positive attitude. You are a great lady.

Tab said...

Hope all is well in the world of Kel :)

Alcoholic Brain said...

Happy birthday! You have journyed a thousand miles since your first several posts...Good for you!! I am now in Alanon. My favorite saying is: "I have to keep my hands in my own pockets."

working mom NYC said...

Hi, Kel--
All things considered, sounds like your birthday was a good one. I'm happy for you, and especially because of the extra 2.5 vacation days - those are truly precious. Happy to hear, also, that the Prince is (hopefully) staying clean...Good luck to you!