I have to really say thank you to all of my blogger buddies for being there and really listening and really caring about me. I can not express how much it and all of you have come to mean to me. Its truly a beautiful thing, this online bond we have all developed, and I have truly grown to love you all. It means even more, because each of you can relate to my situation from one point of view or another, some of you are in recovery, some are parents of addicts like myself, and some have other family experiences that connect us. The rest of the world, it has been my experience, just don't get it. Seriously, while I appreciate some of the advice my "normie" friends have offered me, trust me when I tell you, sitting down to dinner as a family every night is not going to get my son to stay clean.
To give you a brief update, the Prince and I have still not spoken since Fathers day. His grandparents and father spoke to him at length on Tuesday evening, and basically, from what I can drag out of these, strange, secretive, communication-challenged people, is that they laid down the guidelines. No more drinking and/or drugging. Period. Not if he wants to continue to live under their roof. It was also explained to him that he is still a very, very long way from being welcomed back into living in my home. I do not believe he is working a program although he tells his grandmother he is going to meetings. I am letting it go. I have basically let him go. This is how it has to be. I am not going to say it doesn't hurt like hell. But I know this has to be done. For my own sanity. I am not ready to speak to him yet, because I am not sure I can do so without reacting. When I am ready, I will call him and hopefully we can learn to have a relationship that will be loving without me trying to make decisions for him, or me being angry when he doesn't do what I want him to do.
I need to be a little honest here, I am secretly thinking deep in my soul, that if I don not see or speak to him, that he will feel guilty and make the right decisions. I know this is ridiculous, and it shows I still have ALOT of work to do on myself. In fact, in reality I am sure the opposite is true. When he was using, and he was in really bad shape, and I was taking him to court and things were just so awful and he was just so sick, we were having a huge fight, police were called, CPS got involved shortly thereafter because it got physical between the Prince and his father, and he was crying. He was begging me to just give up, to just let him do his thing, and I could not imagine a day would ever come that I would be capable of doing such a thing. Well, let me clarify that, I am NOT giving up on him, I will NEVER give up on him, but I need to distance myself from him for now. So maybe he is glad that I am finally giving him some space, giving him enough of the proverbial rope. I just pray he doesn't hang himself with it.
But if he does, I hope I can remember that it was his decision. Not mine, I am finally going to let him own this.