Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Don't lean on me man, cause you can't afford the ticket...

I am currently reading Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie, and basically, I could have been the model for the book. I am hoping to apply some of the principles I am learning to my life. I really need to master this Letting Go thing.

So I did not make it to a meeting last night after all. The Prince had an NA meeting and I had promised myself that I would start focusing on MY recovery, my well-being, and let HIM focus on his. So I was planning on going to my meeting and he would go to his. This was not an easy decision for me, because I live in fear that if I do not go with him, he will not go. More controlling, co-dependent behavior on my part. If he does not go, he does not go. I can not control this and I will not try any longer.

As I was getting dressed to got to Al-anon, the phone rang, it was my mother in law. She asked if I was going to meet them in front of the church for the meeting, and I said No. She started hesitating and sort of insisting that I go with him. I finally had to tell her to spit out whatever it was she had to say. She suspected the Prince had been drinking, that she smelled "something" but couldn't be sure. I told her to put him on the phone and I confronted him. He went into the denial routine and was very indignant. He hung up on me.

I asked AH to go to the meeting with him because I just wasn't up to this and he got very angry and started spewing how the Prince would be in jail in a year, and how he should just hit the streets now and how he would make sure he ran away if he went to the meeting. So, OK, no support there, I had to go. He was nasty to me when he saw me and told me he didn't want me o go to the meeting with him. Whatever. Its his recovery anyway, I don't think I belong there anymore. I stayed outside and spoke to my MIL for a little bit and when they came for the smoking break, he was really provocative and antagonistic, typical using behavior for him, he didn't look "right" to me. He started to try to block me from closing my car door, and I suggested that he might want to step away, as I was confident the 10-15 big burly guys standing around watching the exchange weren't going to be to receptive to his attacking me, and he finally backed off.

So I do not know if he used or drank or not. I hate that it has to be so confrontational. After reading dear Tabs post this morning, I at least commended her children's honesty, and I envy her ability to see past the moment, and detach with love. If the Prince is using again, and is caught, it will be his third strike and he will no longer be welcome to live at his grandparents home. He will have to make alternate arrangements for sleeping, showering, eating, and being chauffeured around town. I feel he is testing the waters, he doesn't his grandmother will do it to him. He is mistaken.


pat said...

Let him experience the consequences of his own actions and for you, Kel, take care of yourself because it may be a long road ahead. Hugs.

Tab said...

I just love you Kel and as JJ says,
" I See You " that means I see you for the unique indavidual that you are! Keep working on you..that Melody Beattie stuff changed my life..I still read the Langauge of Letting Go every single morning after twelve years in my own recovery from codependency.
You are a beautiful human who IS learning to let go Kel.It doesn't happen overnight..I think there is a saying that "it takes twenty years to feel like an overnight success".I see this in healing too.
So get comfortable helping is indeed a long road ahead as Pat expressed.Good to know you have pals like us to join you huh? Sending you hugs and cupcakes..
Thank you for sharing :)
Love Tab xo

Syd said...

Kel, I believe that the Prince needs be allowed the dignity to fail. If he does, then he did it and not you. He also can have the dignity that goes with success. Keep the focus on yourself and you will be fine. You can't prevent him from doing anything. Think about Step One and say the Serenity Prayer over and over.

ME, myself, & I said...

cause and effect will come into play.You worry about yourself and say your prayers for the Prince, it is in God's hands now.