Things at home aren't good. It is downright HOSTILE there right now. I guess AH was ticked that I stayed at a friends on Thursday night. When I got home from work Friday afternoon, he announced shortly thereafter that he "was going out". I asked where, he ignored me and stormed out of the house. Whatever. I guess this was retaliation. I was happy he was gone. It was quiet, La Petit Prince had a friend spending the night, so I ordered them a pizza and caught up my shows that I had DVR'ed. I was happily asleep by 10 p.m.
He worked Saturday so me and the little guy went to spend the day and night with my parents. We stayed until this morning. AH is not too happy. Making him happy has long ago stopped being a priority of mine. He has not even bothered to inquire as to what is going on with the Prince. Where he is going, when he is going, etc. And I am not going to offer him up the info either. La Petit Prince is going to California this Friday to spend some time with my cousins. He is really excited. I am going to miss him terribly. I have never been away from him for more than a few days.
So things are still in limbo with the Princes placement. Last I heard, his file was on the docs desk to be reviewed, then we have to hope there is a bed available. It occurred to me over the weekend that I am severely depressed. This is not a great news flash, I have been taking anti-depressants for approx 6 or 7 months. But this is bigger than that. It is deep within me. Down to bone depressed. I am stuck in this incredible dark and bad place and know that I must make change and move on with our lives but for the life of me I am just STUCK. Cant fish or cut bait. The way that we live is so incredibly unhealthy. Dysfunctional doesn't begin to describe it. I feel physically sick when I think if the pain and damage that this has done to my kids.
I am hoping to use the time alone next week to do some long hard thinking and planning, get my house on the market, actively look for a place to live. When both of my kids come home, I want to be able to present a new life plan for us. To start healing as a family. To start trusting each other again and to let go some of the pain.