Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Good, The Bad, and My Many Other Personalities

Stopped over by Mr. Jeckyls blog and was glad to see he is still with us, although I am a bit worried about his "experiment". I'll pray for him and hope to see him back soon but it inspired me to drag myself out of my depression long enough to write a post of my own. Not too mention how bad it makes me feel when I see people I consider my blog buddies leaving me comments showing concern and then I just disappear. I'm sorry about that.

So things are, I don't know, things are just out of control. The prince is still clean, at least for the moment, but he is off PINS now and maybe its a coincidence, but he is having major attitude problems. It's like visions of the old prince who used. This boy still has not made it to modified curfew. He w as doing well. Really really well. He was on track and heading onto modified and he was sharing and doing a lot of work and everyone there was so proud of him, as were we. And then I don't know, ***poof*** the old prince came back.

He is not a scholar. Education, sadly means very little to him. Its all about him and having fun and doing his time and being the prince and F the future he thinks he can go to culinary school at the bargain price of $26 grand a year and Mommy will foot the bill and he will leave the program in February and go back to HS and have more fun cause that's what its all about. I somehow feel responsible for this. I was so freaking afraid of him relapsing that I walked on eggshells for the last 8 or 9 months and kissed his ass and gave in to his every whim cause god forbid the prince should be unhappy cause then he might use.

Well guess what I finally figured out. He is going to use if he wants to use and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it and he has been hanging over my head for what seems like forever. I know, Im quick, nothing gets by me.....

So he has this math teacher that he hates and the feeling is quite mutual. She throws him out of the class quite regularly. He seems to provoke it and make sure it happens. So a week or so ago he sort of flipped out when this teacher threw him out of the class and it kind of escalated and it set some of the other kids into a mood and a mob mentality took over and he was ranting and freaking out and he told them that this was the REAL prince, that the other guy they have known was all bullshit and lies and this was who he really was and blah blah blah. So they suspended him from the program. Great. Just F-ing great. So I leave work early, so I can be there before he is and I am all cheerful and happy when he gets off the bus and he is thrown for a loop. Doesn't know what to think. I offer to make him some coffee or tea or a snack and he sys to me, "I guess you didn't get the phone call from the program yet" and I told him that yes, I did, and whatever, he had a bad day. We all have them and he was entitled to have one too and whatever, he needs to manage his temper better, but we need to move on and get past it. He didn't know what to think. I think I handled it brilliantly. There was no drama, no yelling, it was all good.

This however seemed to set off something in him. He just started being nasty and mean to everyone in the house and very uncooperative and I didn't know where it was coming from. Like I said, it was shades of the using prince. His girlfriend is a good kid, a real prize. She works 2 jobs, she is a straight A student, she doesn't drink smoke or use drugs of any kind, she is happy to sit home with him all the time and watch movies or hang out. She is crazy about him and super supportive. Since the new school year started though, she is working a lot or she is busy with homework so she doesn't come over every day and sometimes not at all on a weekend or maybe just for an hour or two. I know he put himself here, but it still breaks my heart to see him sad or depressed, and I worry so that he will start the cutting again. So on Monday night I decided to get some tix for all of us to go to a Hockey game. I got Islander tix although my little guy and I are diehard Ranger fans, but Islander tix are easier to get for obvious reasons that I wont get into so as to not risk insulting anyone out there.

My cleaning girl comes on Mondays, and she had called me that morning to tell me she had to cancel but I had already left the house and left her money on the counter. Long story short, when I came that afternoon, there was $20 missing from her money. I confronted the prince very nicely, deny deny deny. I checked his room and shock of all shocks, I found a crisp $20 bill in his desk that hadn't been there the day before. He still denied taking the money. It amazes me how stupid he either is or that he thinks I am.

I was devastated. I even buy this kids cigarettes. I cover his every financial need. If he needed $20 it was for one reason only. He was planning on getting high.

I basically had just about had enough. We still went to the hockey game because I spent $400 on tix and I just kept my distance from him. I ignored him the whole ride home and then he asked me to buy him cigarettes. I actually broke out laughing. Is he kidding me or what??? So when we got home that night he started with his father how I was acting like a child and he didn't steal that money and how I was turning on him so I took my little guy and left, went to stay at my neighbors house.

This is getting too long for the quick little catch up blog I intended to write, I will try to finish it up tomorrow.

Have a great night all, if anyone out there still reads me.....


Anonymous said...

Sounds like you have indeed had enough!Good.THAT is a powerful way to learn and let go.This whole post felt like I was reading my life a year ago Kel.Keep in touch okay>??
Thanks for sharing!

Trudging said...

I am so glad that you posted! I don't have any sage advice. I am praying for you.

Anonymous said...

I am still reading you, Kel, and very glad you posted.
Agreed with, Tab. Sounds like you have had it.
Stick close to Tab -- she knows what she's doing with this stuff.
Peace and please cpotinue to post,