Friday, October 06, 2006

Scar Tissue

Thank goodness it is Friday and I have a nice long three day weekend. I am seriously sleep deprived. I am sending my children to their grandmothers for a sleep over, having dinner with some old work friends and plan to be in bed by 10, catching up on all of the shows I have DVRd the last few weeks. Cant wait!!

So it has been a strange week at home. No new news on the prince and his urine test. They did test him when he went back, they test at least twice a week. So I am sure it will come up dirty and he will be back to square one as far as ever getting on modified curfew.

He has been warmer to me. It sounds terrible, but it makes me uneasy. He asked me to tape a show on the DVR for him Wednesday night and then wanted to watch it with me in my room. Last night after bowling (Please don't ask how I am doing. I completely suck. I should be thrown off the team) he asked me to hang in his room with him and watch a movie. His girlfriend wrote him a little love note and he wanted me to see it.

I should mention here that we have never made a big deal about clothes or the lack of in our home. My kids both walk around freely in their boxers at night. Anyway, we are sitting there, watching this horrible movie, and he is in his boxers and I look at his legs and I see all these red marks from where he cut himself. There were at least a dozen or so, if not more, on each leg. I thought he was over that and I said so. He told me he was, that they were old, and still healing. I got a closer look and I was sick. They were definitely old, but very red and very thick and apparently the cuts were very deep. He said one was almost to the bone, gaping with tissue exposed. The scars will be there forever I think. It just breaks my heart all the pain this kid is in and still has and where the F it came from.

I did some research on the net today about this cutting and self mutilation, and "they" call it the new anorexia. Its becoming epidemic and its almost contagious. When I was in my early twenties I pierced my belly button. I liked it, thought it looked cute. When the prince hit his teen years, and started bringing girls around I thought it was time to take it out and try to look more like a Mommy, or at least more like the other mommies. So now I have a scar on my navel, and it drives me crazy. It bothers me so much having it and it is a teeny tiny little thing.
My prince will have these scars for the rest of his life. Like he will wear his pain like a badge of honor. It just kills me a little more every day.

8 comments:

Tab said...

Touching post Kel.

One day at a time is important in letting go of our uneasy feelings.I understand that.

Hope his scars will now stay scars,no more fresh wounds.
Time seems to heal.
(vitamin E cream can help too)

Good to hear you have some nice plans for yourself tonight too.
GOtta love that !

Here's wishing you a pleasant weekend Kel..Thanks for sharing~

Trudging said...

I am sorry to hear about "The Prince" but, as we say in "The Program" God has a plan and the plan is good!

Alcoholic Brain said...

I'm happy you are still blogging. Sorry to hear about the prince. We all have our scars. Makes me wanna throw rocks, but sometines there just ain't enough rocks.

Tab said...

Hi Kel,
Hope all is well...

SCoUt said...

Hopefully he will recover and his scars WILL be a badge of honor for all he has walked through.
I hope you are well.
Peace,
Scout

working mom NYC said...

Dear Kel--
I get so much from reading your posts - just found this blog on Friday after I searched "my son PINS petition" to try to find out other parents' experience with their children's struggles. I wish you all the best and hope that your son's road to recovery continues to a more postive place. I think about the stupid stuff I did when I was 18 & 19 - luckily I survived all of them without too many permanent psychic or physical scars....but it's so painful to watch someone you love suffer.

Thanks again for your honesty. I work in NYC and live in Long Island.

Trudging said...

You ok Kel? I miss your posts.

Tab said...

{{Where you go ?}}