Baby, I'm back......

Good morning all. I'm sorry I have been so out of touch, there has just been so much going on. We found out last week that my Dad's cancer is back. Not a huge surprise. We knew it was possible and were told by the surgeon two years ago that it was a "fix" and not a cure and that it would be back. Pancreatic Cancer is one of the worst. We were lucky to have almost 2 cancer free years with a relatively decent life quality for him. The good news is it is recurrent disease where most of his pancreas used to be, and the liver is clean and there is no sign of metatastic disease. We will try some chemo to shrink and contain it. Maybe we will get lucky and buy some more time. Any extra prayers anyone can share would be greatly appreciated.

A week or so before we got that news I had to take a day off from work and drive my Mom to Connecticut to see her sister who has been in intensive care for the last few weeks. Trudge, if your reading this, I thought of you since I was in your "hood"!!! My aunt is not doing well, and will probably not make a full recovery if at all. I think they are moving her to Yale in New Haven today. At least it is a little closer to visit.

Also found out that the palpatations I have been having are the result of me having a Hypper Dynimic Heart. He put me on meds and I was forced to give up my beloved Malboro Lights. Today is day 10 of me being nicotine free. I am quite proud of myself. Did it cold turkey too. Next I will be forced to give up my lattes. I can not believe I am only 38 and I already have to take heart medication. I have always been thin and in shape, I eat well and basically take good care of myself... with the exception of the smokes that is......

My prince is doing ok. The small amount of weed he smoked did not show up in his urine. He is probably going to go on Modified curfew any day now. He is really anxious to start working. Although he is still completely unconcerned about his school work. He honestly doesn't seem to care if he graduates or not. He actually told me last week that he doesn't care and he would be glad to do another year of high school and then he can graduate with his girlfriend and some of his other friends in that grade. He still just doesn't get it. But things have been okay with him. He did some therapy alone with his father last week and although neither of them told me what was discussed, apparently they both did a lot of talking. I am proud of him. He has come a long way. I must constantly remind myself that it is progress, not perfection that he needs. It helps to think of that. One day at a time.

A friend of mine that I knew in HS died of a an overdose of crack and cocaine a few weeks ago. He was a brilliant guy and I am sad he never got out of the drug scene. A lot of the guys I knew back in the day didn't. Its so sad. I could have easily been the same. I got pregnant and married at 20. Although it required a lot of sacrifice on my part, it got me out of the bar scene and probably saved me from becoming an alcoholic myself since the disease just runs so rampant in my bloodline.

Tonight I am doing the coolest thing that I think I have ever done. I am going to a book signing in Manahattan of my favorite author, Augustin Burrows (I am mispelling it on purpose). I have found a few first editions hard covers of his books on ebay and will have them signed. How incredibly cool is that??

I miss all of my blog friends and am glad to have a moment today to try to catch up. I hope you are all well.