Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Back to School, Back to work, Back to Reality....

Well I am back at work after a nice long four day weekend. My little guy started back to school this morning, and the prince is back in his program after a week off. I'm tired. Still have insomnia. Bad insomnia.

I let the prince go to the game Friday and it all worked out well. He had a great time. I told him when he got home that he didn't really have permission but that I felt he deserved it and he said Thank you. Wow.

Saturday night I took him and the girlfriend to the movies. And guess who was at the movies? One of the Jets. The quarterback. Pennington or something like that. He was really nice and shook hands with my boys and gave them an autograph. We laughed all weekend about how the football guy was stalking my son.

Since we had a long weekend, I had wanted to take the boys to the Renaissance Faire up at Sterling Forest in Tuxedo NY. We had been there a few years ago and I remember the kids really liking it and enjoying themselves. When I suggested to them that we go again, the prince responded with, "Oh, yeah, the place where you wouldn't let me get the baby dragons (actually little lizards)." I couldn't believe it, apparently he has been keeping a mental inventory of all the times he feels I wronged him and he thinks I should be making amends to him. Me, cause I'm such a bad mother. All of these leading him into his addiction.

Well, we went, of course the girlfriend came with us and yes, of course I gave in and bought the damn lizards. When we got home that night he was like the long lost little boy that I haven't seen in so long. He was busy with his brother setting up the tank for the lizards. He was talking to them in the sweetest most gentle voice I have ever heard him use, he was calling them, buddy, like, "Come here buddy, I wont hurt you." It just made me feel so warm and happy. He was like his old self.

Today he went back to the program. The bus was late and he was getting very anxious and complaining about how much he hates it and how he wants OUT OF THERE by January. I didn't want to argue or start a fight, so I just kept saying, then he should really start working towards that, that I thought it was good he had a goal. I heard from his psychiatrist this morning and she wants me to give him his meds even earlier at night cause he is still very lethargic. Otherwise, she is going to lower his dosage. I think that is a mistake. But I am not a professional, so what do I know.

So, all in all the prince is doing well. At least for the moment. His father, the AH, on the other hand is useless. He supposedly works overtime on the weekends. But every single Saturday morning when he gets up, you can smell the alcohol seeping out of his pores, his room smells, he actually leaves a trail of eau de vodka. So Saturday I was going to take my little guy out for Japanese before I took the prince and the GF to the movies. AH was home with them all day Friday and Friday night until I got home. He slept until noon, took them to Wendys for lunch and gave my little guy mac n cheese for dinner. They never left the house. Anyway, I was leaving for Japanese and he gave me an attitude, asking why he wasn't invited for Japanese. I said someone needed to stay home with the prince since he doesn't like Japanese and I like to try to spend some alone time with the little one. He replied that he had to stay home the day before with them, I said since he felt that way, maybe HE should have taken my little guy for Sushi the night before..... he had no comment but told me to get home ASAP as he had to get to work. Yeah. Right.

So we are eating our sushi, having a nice time and he calls my cell and asks how long we will be, and I say soon, he says, good, cause my brother just called him and invited him to go play cards and he wasn't going to work. Nice.

When we got home from the movies, we had lost power from the storm. I called him and told him and you think he might have come home, but of course he did not. He didn't show up till I called him at my brothers at noon the next day telling him had to get home because I had to get the little one to a birthday party. Again, when he got hime the smell of alcohol was so strong it made me nauseous. He said they stayed up until 6 am playing cards. I know some of the people there are known coke users/abusers. Its just sad he doesn't get it. Really sad.

PS- I want to thank you all for all of your incredible comments and support. I can not tell you how much it means to me and how much it helps me, especially from those of you who have been or are in my position.

1 comment:

Tab said...

I went to a Renissance fair outside of LA years stuff!
Yes,our kids do keep some kind of inventory don't they? lol
Glad you had fun buying him the baby dragons.
Will you be feeding them the crickets while he isn't home? :P

Remember Kel,
never believe you are ever the reason behind anyones drinking or drugging.I felt like that before ,I understand.Its tough to sort out the guilt issues sometimes.
My son often blames me and his biological Father for our differences making HIM wierd.I let him have his moments,he is allowed.
He knows in his heart it only comes from a well of confusion in that teenage soul of his.

This post warms my heart Kel..
just goes to show no matter how many days we feel overwhelmed,life goes on and can bring new warm memories especially with our kids.

Keep doing what you need to do for you..everything else will fall in to place when it supposed to.

Geeshh..long comment today.
Sorry! Take good care of you,
and thanks for sharing~