((You CAN breath.))But...You cannot change the results of your son's urine test.Nor can you change HIS course of actions.I hear your fear it is never going to end Kel.It isn't easy watching out kids live life like a bad car wreck in slow motion...I know!I encourage you to continue sharing and seek support for yourself.I resisted help for years because I felt if I was a good enough Mother I could turn my kids life around all on my own but I was losing sleep fighting with my husband,denying his problems to protect him...the list could go on but what I am trying to share Kel is that when I finally learned I cannot change anything but myself in the big picture,I learned(my husband and I learned) how we COULD better help out our kiddo."letting go" means not having to hold our breath Kel.(Exhale here..)I feel for you and I hear your fear.You can help him by learning how to help yourself along the way ...trust me on that one!I am sending you a big cyber hug and an armload of serenity.You are not alone.You will get through this.Thinking of you .Tab
Sorry about another long comment.I am only offering from experience.You will find what helps you if you keep open to it..trust everything will be ok Kel..one day at a time.Love Tab
Kel,You couldn't possibly know how well I can relate to your last comment you just left at my blog.I know that feeling of being made a fool of ..but there is nothing wrong with wanting to trust our kids..we are thier cheerleaders but we have boundaries.My son has not lived at home in over four months because he abused our boundaries.This is what people do who turn to drug and alcohol abuse.I do not believe they mean to hurt us but they do ...very profoundly.We can learn to protect our values and boundaries and still love our kids...My son knows he is very much loved and valued and that is why we have got to do what we can to have him take accountability for his own self care because it does effect the entire family when he doesn't.Last May , he crashed our family van in to a power poll while high on extacy and drunk on wine.See.It is an slow motion car wreck,and sometimes they do crash but we cannot protect them forever from thier choices like these ones.I wish I could but I had to learn the hard way years ago...I have lived with alcoholism around me all my life..my Mother went to Al-Anon when I was that drunked high teen years and years ago..she learned to let go ...that set a powerful example for me..to this day!No matter where you will feel it best,seek support for yourself.These issues are too much to takeall on your own.I am here.Bloggers can offer amazing support but you may want to seek some books for yourself ...some meetings.There is no shame in asking for help when you are ready Kel.None.You are a good MOther wth a big heart..keep some of it for yourself.you will know what I mean one day.Wishing you serenity and courage..love Tab
I just tried the link to codependents.org, and the site appears to be down. This would be a good time to get in touch with Alanon. It would be a start. Tab is saying a lot of good stuff here. Say the Serenity Prayer. It's critical that you get yourself to pelple who have been on the road you are currently on. They found a way off of it. The way to gain control, is to give it up. Alanon is as close as your phone book. The phone may seem to weigh a thousand pounds. This is no time for pride...Might also try http://recoverychat.com if you can do the chat thing...
Also, if you do email, my email addy is in my profile at my blog...
hope you can breathe easier today.
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