I think I am finally getting this. I can't control his behavior or his choices or his disease. It is not my fault. (note to self: keep repeating until you believe it)
I didn't tell his father yet and I didn't discuss the dirty urine with him at length except for the conversation we had on the phone. He smoked on the cruise, said he knew he f-ed up, and that obviously he cant be around it he isn't strong enough.
I am proud of him for "owning" this. I spoke to his counselor this morning and we just keep moving forward. One step forward, two steps back.
Oh. And I joined a bowling team ( can you say Pathetic Loser?) , I know it is so circa 1957, but it is for me. I am doing something just for me.
I am breathing.