Thursday, August 31, 2006

So what do I do now?

The prince started his program on or about April 16th. The two months before that he spent a week in a psych hospital and then did their outpatient program for about a month, went back to HS for a week or so and then back into the outpatient program at the hospital until I could get him into the program he is in now. So, essentially, he has been on lockdown since February 19th. He was allowed out for an hour or two once, maybe twice a week while I was trying to get him in the program he is in now. Since the program he has been supervised 24/7 with the exception of the few hours on the night when he took off a few weeks ago. And, thankfully he did not use that night. In order for him to do anything, meaning, in order for him to have someone come over, etc. He needs to write a written request. He is 17 years old. On the one hand it breaks my heart because he is almost a man and he is being treated like a child. On the other hand he has made some decisions that led him into full addiction and he needs to rehabilitated and I still do not believe he is there yet.

But honestly, it has amazed me since day one that he has been so cooperative. I mean, seriously, what other teenager will stay in the house 24/7 for the better part of 6 months, the summer leading into senior year, without an argument? So anyway, his girlfriend and her family have season tickets for the Jets, and they invited him to a preseason game. Her aunt will be taking them, and she is retired NYPD, doesn't smoke or drink and knows completely of his situation and I feel comfortable letting him go with them.

He wrote his request yesterday, and then he had a bit of an attitude at the program, because he wasn't participating and was falling asleep, he claimed to not be feeling well, and he called his grandmother to come home. Today they were going to a water park and he didn't want to go and I let him stay home with his grandmother. He is not into water parks or rides and honestly, I am happy to be saving the cost of the trip plus the days expense for the program. The well is running a bit dry.

I spoke to our family counselor a few minutes ago and they are denying his request. I am stunned. Baffled. They said because he had an attitude yesterday. I'm sorry, but this just seems to be a little punitive to me. He has not been a model patient, that I am sure, but he goes willing, participates to the best of his ability and he is still clean, and still going. I have been getting a bad vive the last few days that he is trying to get out. Alot of kids got thrown out while we were on vacation for any number of reasons, and it turns out a few parents pulled their kids out this week, apparently alot of the parents use the program as a summer babysitting service to keep their kids relatively under control. Kind of like, well if you do this over the summer, you can go back to HS in September. So I think he has it in his head that he can leave soon. I mean WTF??? What is wrong with these parents? These kids need more than 60 days outpatient treatment to get their lives back in order. It is my belief that adolescent addiction needs to be treated different that adult addiction. Clearly I am no professional, but I know they need to get to the underlying problems and deal with that because I think a lot of these kids self medicate and then the disease kicks in.

So what do I do? Do I let him go against their wishes? If I don't let him go, he will surely go off the wall. He will freak out and probably take off and I just cant deal with that again right now. I know that is probably just more of my co-dependent behavior, but honestly, he is looking so forward to it. I was excited for him, I am now just sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do.


Trudging said...

I am sorry for your troubles

Anonymous said...

Today is my first day by your blog. I am sorry to see you have so much going on.
As a former counselor, I would be pissed if you took my client out to do something I had said he couldn't do. And I would think you were sabatoging my attempts at his treatment.
As a former co-parent, I would let him go because I thought the counselor's decision was harsh.
But then, if we take the time to go to the doctor and don't follow through with what the doctor tells us to do, why are we going at all????
Just some things to ponder....

Anonymous said...


Thank you for your invite to come read your blog and to share.
You sound upset today.I can relate to you feeling it is unfair.
If your son is under some kind of other supervision,that is what is going to happen at times I guess.

My kiddo isn't in the same boat as yours as far at the long term plans go...but treatmentand support are in the picture to get to the bottom of his reckless choices over the past couple of years.Finally.?!
He is saying he is ready...yep..
heard it before but today he is actually walking through some new doors.He has our support and love.
I know your son has yours too :)

I do appreciate you sharing your journey here Kel.Being is a parent is one hell'uva journey isn't it?! I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.My kids inspire me to continue growing on my own journey too! Thank you for sharing ~

Greg said...

Hi Kel, I can't help but think what I put my poor mother through growing up as a kid. I left home at 14 and havent been back since. (I'm now 28 1/2) Your story reminds me alot of my child hood. Part of me wants to say the prince is going to do what the prince is going to do no matter how hard you try. I want to say back off your smothering him. But I realized that this is old thinking for me. Thinking that my disease kept me in so it could survive. If only my parents tried to help me 1/2 as much as you try to help your son then maybe they could have stoped this whole thing before it brought me down some NASTY roads. if my self medicating would have been stopped sooner then maybe my disease would not have turned out so bad. Thank-you for your blog because today I saw some more thingkin patterns in myself and it will give me something to look at and change. your story allthough painfull for you, (and for this I'm sorry. Truly I am,) saved my butt today :):):) thanks yfg

Alcoholic Brain said...

I only lay it on thick when I see someone drowning. That's what I see. Like the addict, alcoholic, codependents will make the decision to stop. We usually don't make that decision because the weather is really nice. Only you can make that decision, for yourself. Hit a bookstore/library and ask for "Codependent No More," by Melody Beattie. It just may save your life. I see you having anxiety and panic. We are in a combat zone, and it is not unusual for codependents to develope Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Hang in there and take care of YOU. Because you're worthwhile! Hugs...