Monday, March 20, 2006

The Partial Program

He was released on a Monday morning, one week after he was admitted into the hospital. His mood on Sunday afternoon the day before he was to be released was horrible. He was nasty and belligerent. He was so bad that I opted not to go up Sunday night to see him. I think he was really nervous about being released.

I stayed home and finished up his room so that it would be ready when he came home the following afternoon. He had a double dresser in there that did not hold any clothes at all, it was filled with papers and garbage and all sorts of crap. I went through that and every other inch of his room and in all I think there were 15-16 full bags of garbage that I threw out. I threw out anything that didn't seem to have any kind of sentimental value attached to it. I dragged the dresser to the curb. Cleaned out his closet. Ewww. I don't even want to elaborate on some of the things I found in there. Its amazing and disgusting to see the lack of control one has over their bodily functions when they are constantly wasted. I bought a new computer desk and moved the computer into his room so when came home, I would now be enforcing a "bedtime". No more staying up and wandering the house watching TV and playing on the computer in the basement till he feels like sleeping. Effective immediately, 11 pm means doorsto the outside will be locked, no more going outside for a cigarette, and he must be in his room for the night. Time to enforce some kind of normalcy and structure. I also procured new bed linens, pillows, and a comforter set as his were disgusting from lack of washing, vomit stains, etc. It looked like a new room when I was finished, everything in its place. No where to hide drugs, booze or anything else. In my mind, a clean and organized room would help him to stay clean. And yes, I know delusional I sound.

Monday morning his father went to the hospital to sign the discharge papers and to get him admitted into the partial outpatient program where he would be attending from 9 to 4 for at least the next week. He would be getting 2-3 hours of education there each day, which would be paid for by my school district, and the rest of the day would focus primarily on group therapy, etc. He would be transported by bus each morning and afternoon. I left work a bit early so I could be there when he got home. I also had my mother meet me at the house, just in case. I was a little nervous to say the least.

When he got home, you could see how anxious he was. He had been taking a mood stabilizer which he said was making him tired. He had mixed feelings about his room, he was a little pissed that I threw away all of his stuff, but all in all I think he was pleased and a little impressed with it. He did make a nasty comment about how I was lazy and I would never keep it up like that. He clearly doesn't know me very well.

His girlfriend came over for a few hours. They watched a movie in the den. Same thing the next night. On Friday I spoke to the social worker at the program who informed me that they didn't think he was ready to return tot he HS, an opinion we all shared, and that they fought the insurance company and got another week. My son was ok with this. He got his first ever clean urine. I wanted to frame it. Things were looking up.

We let him go out for 2 hours on Saturday evening, he was home in an hour and a half. I wasn't happy with his choice of people to go out with, known drug users. Big time. But he seemed ok when he got home and although I wasn't sleeping any easier, things have been calmer and quieter than they have been in years. Seriously.

Later the second week, when I inquired about the current weeks drug screen, the results weren't as good. It seems this test was positive for THC. Meaning one of two things: A. The first test was a false negative.... Possible because realistically not enough time had gone by for him to be clean considering the amount he smokes. B. He was smoking over the weekend. (I really didn't want to believe this). I also realized how unbelievable depressed he was that week. Its a hard call, was he depressed because he was still in withdrawal, or was he always depressed and was using the drugs to self medicate? But no doubt, he was depressed, to the point that it scared me. He was also fighting with the girlfriend. I called the shrink and we decided to start him on an antidepressant in addition to the mood stabilizer. On Friday, we were still all in agreement that he wasn't ready to return to the HS, that he was at extemely high risk for relapse and nobody felt confident in his ability to stay clean on his own if he was to go back into that environment. The insurance company allowed two more days, and then he would have to return to the HS. Just f-ing wonderful.

We had met with the probation office regarding the PINS petition during this time. He was officially in the system now and if he didn't stay clean on his own, he would eventually have to go before a judge who would order him into either a long term day treatment or residential substance abuse program. We want him in day treatment. Problem is because it is substance abuse, even though he is a minor, it is voluntary and we can not make him go, his home school can not make him go. The court can. But it takes time. You have to work the system. I liked the PO. She was tough, she talked to him alone and scared the crap out of him. She has heard his name, knew he did some small time dealing, and knew he was knee deep in the drug culture of our little corner of the world. I was hopeful.

4 comments:

THE SCRIBE said...

How old is your kid? Regardless of age he will fight an up-hill battle until he's about 28. Stay on him about everything, don't quit on him. what your doing for him now will help mold his feelings for the future and how he fells about it. He's trying to find himself in this world, trying to find out what may become of him. Remember, like you and I, he never asked to be here, so give him reasons and share all your knowledge with him. Knowledge of all things will allow him to grow... Take care and try not to worry all the time, life is an endless task...

THE SCRIBE said...

I read a few more enteries and come to find out your husband drinks. Well there's your answer. Your son is like a spunge, my mom used to smoke and guess what, so did I. My mom quit and so did I. We have more influence on people than we think, so either we can be leaders and lead by Example or followers and do what we can when we can. Your a great person and a strong mother who seems to be getting no support. If your yourself are getting no support, how is it that you think you can give it to somebody else? I think you need to surrender and release all negative things at this point and start fresh. Have you ever thought about getting a mentor over to the house for your son? Nothing really offical just some dude to come around to show you son a different perspective on life. Explain to your son that you don't know everything and nor does anybody else. Explain to him nobodys perfect but that doesn't mean you can make bad decisions. Explain to him he wills always be learning and there will never be a point when he can just relax and be happy with his life. Explain to him it's going to take al his might to do the right things and live a happy life. Explain to him the world doesn't want to help somebody who doesn't want to help himself. Explain to him the world isn't fair and we are the only ones who can make it fair. Explain to him he is a leader and what he's doing now is following. Explain this to him and explain it with a smile...

THE SCRIBE said...

I think as humans we do whatever we can to help. So if you have any questions I'll get to them as soon as I can. It can always be worse. and I'm glad that I've helped in some way. Get him into a sport, what does he like to watch and try taking it from there. I drank a few beers when I was 16 with my friends and smoked a few times, but the world was so much bigger than I and figured I would try and own it rather than it owning me. I think Mom needs a vacation!!!;)

Mary Christine said...

Me again. You sound a lot better, not so angry. But - what are you doing about YOU? You need to take care of yourself. You cannot make the entire locus of your life your son. It is not fair to you or to him.