Wednesday, January 08, 2014


Kenneth Charles
June 16, 1989 - January 8, 2010

Four years ago, my beautiful Prince lost his battle with addiction.  He was 20 years old.  I feel cheated.  Still. I function in my daily life, but it has been an enormous struggle.  My coping method of choice was alcohol.  Wine, specifically, and lots of it.  The pain was/is just too deep to bear.  There have also been a few suicide attempts.  Lots of self sabotage.  It often feels just wrong to be alive and living in a world without him.  55 days ago, I realized my life had become unmanageable and I checked myself into a treatment center for alcoholism.  I have not had a drink in 54 days.  I am beginning to heal, very slowly from all that I have gone through in my life. Feeling things:  good things.  Not so good things, and sometimes very bad things.  But I am feeling.  And that is a beginning.

11 comments:

Annette said...

Kelly, you brave soul, bless your hurting heart. I think of you so often. When I would worry about my girl dying, I would think "But Kelly is really living that fear." And I would pray for you. I don't comment often, or ever, on your blog....but I wanted you to know that even when your not posting you aren't forgotten. Your loss is not forgotten. I will be praying for you.

Dad and Mom said...

Like Annette said. Even though you haven't been posting you are not forgotten.

Be strong and lean on us when you need. We all know that you would be there for us if we needed you.

No one is alone in this world.

Syd said...

Kel, so glad to read you and happy that you have gotten the help you needed. I can't imagine the heart break.

Dawn McCoy said...

I too seek solace in wine. Not yet to that point...

Bristolvol said...

I am so glad you are getting help. I can't imagine the heartbreak you are suffering. We are all pulling for you.

Bristolvol said...

I am so glad you are getting help. I can't imagine your heartbreak. We are all pulling for you.

Beth said...

Thank you for posting. Thank you for getting better. I'm here on the other side of the country cheering for you.

Tori said...

I always come back to see if you have posted and I am so happy you did. I always think of you and can't imagine the heart break you must endure.

I pray for you to have some peace and happiness.

Mrs. Dubose said...

I found your blog yesterday on someone's blog roll and I spent HOURS reading your entire blog from the first one to the last one. I have a daughter who was born the same year as your Prince and she spent the better part of this year in rehab, halfway house, sober living. Within one hour of being out of sober living, she relapsed.

There is a hell that comes with being a parent of a substance abuser that is unfathomable to someone unless they live it. Obviously the death of your son is the realization of that fear. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry, so sorry for your tremendous loss. He is irreplaceable. That spot in your heart is that aches so much can never be repaired. But I believe you can heal. You are a very bright and articulate woman, your writings are beautiful. All those things point to a woman of substance. YOU CAN HEAL. Going to rehab was a great first step. Feeling those feelings suck but you have to go through them to get past them. Just know that there is someone out here who is on your side and who is praying for you to find your way. As for son #2, omg, there is not a parent around who wouldn't be done in over that. I hope he finds the light. xo

onemomtalking.com said...

Dear Kelly, You are fighting the fight. You must. Thank you for your recent sharing on my blog. I will be reading now and you are in my prayers. Here with you~

Hattie Heaton said...

Praying for you in your sobriety and in dealing with such a horrific loss. I have no magic words. But, you can bet I'd use them if I did. Only prayer. Only prayer.