Lying in bed Sunday evening unable to sleep, my mind, as always , vacillating between the problems I am currently having with my younger son; and what went wrong, why was my Prince taken from me? Out of the hundreds of thousands of addicts out there, on that particular evening why him? What have I done to deserve so much pain in my life? Why me? And it occurred to me for the very first time ever... who am I to question God and his will?
I believe I may have had a breakthrough...
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Yes, dear Kel, I think that is very significant. I have come to believe there is much of life we are not supposed to understand. That is not to say it makes no sense, or that life has no purpose.
Just that it is not for us to know the why of many things. However, if I lived with your pain, I would have a harder time accepting that.
It's always wonderful to see you have posted. You don't realize how often we think of you. Stay in touch.
It is so good to read a post from you. I think of you often.
I think we try at times to make sense of something we simply can't. Losing a child no matter what the reason, is something that I will never comprehend.
Please keep us updated on how you and how your younger son is doing.
Kel, I am glad to see you posted. I once heard someone say,"Why not me?". I don't ask many why questions anymore. I have to accept what is. Take care.
thinking of you kel
I sure haven't figured that one out either Kel. Probably never will. I have come to accept and trust in God, but I do get REALLY pissed off at Him sometimes. I won't share details, but, 16 years ago, something horrid happened to our family, something that had nothing to do with drugs. The pain was so great, it almost consumed me and sent me straight down the road to insanity. I hated God for five years. Really hated. Now, looking back, I realize that if that particular horror hadn't happened, I would not have been able to step in and rescue my grandchildren. Does it help to know that now? Only a little. Does it lessen the pain and anguish I feel every second of every day, every moment of breath I take? No. It does not. But I do realize that I would have had to sacrafice my own grandchildren for the event to not have taken place. Maybe God knew, maybe it's just fate, maybe there is no rhyme or reason at all to the vagaries of the universe. I just know it's pain, and it never goes away. So now, I hold onto every single iota of joy that life, and God send me. Because, in the end, the joy's we are blessed with are the only reason we do not succumb to the pains we are cursed with.
Wow...You are one strong person! Acceptance is a difficult place to get to. But, I imagine that is is also a place where peace is found. God bless you and your family.
There is no sense to it at all. Like everyone else, its always good to see that you posted. I think of you often.
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