Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Did you get what you deserve???

Thank you Dear Tori for commenting and inquiring about my son and I, it gave me the inspiration to put up a short post. Something I have been meaning to do for a while. I am still here every day reading your blogs and sometimes even leaving a comment. I am so excited to see my old faves- Mary Christine, Lou and Pammie are back in the blogging business. Just makes me feel better.


It is 17 months today that my Prince has left this world. The pain is still overwhelming. He is still the first and last thing I think about everyday. There are still moments that take my breath away when I realize he is really and truly gone. Heroin. Really, it kills. Do not doubt it for one moment.

My little Prince, spent 30 days in a residential facility. Since he has been home he has been splitting his time between living with his father and I. In the earlier days it was more with his father because he was lashing out at me and we really could not get along. He stayed clean for about 3 weeks after but has now been testing positive for marijuana. In his wee little brain he still sees nothing wrong with it. It is really quite exhausting. He is failing his sophomore year of High School. It has not been an easy year, or couple of years for that matter. But I am doing my best and I am still getting out of bed and trying to function in the real world. I try not to wear my pain on my sleeve, cause really, at the end of the day... no one really cares any way...

13 comments:

Lou said...

Kel, I thought of you and the Prince more than you will ever know. I remember exactly where I was the day I opened your blog and saw your post about him. It knocked the wind out of me. It is a grief that never goes away.

I'm glad to be back blogging and in the company of old friends.

Check out a program called Teen Challenge for the little Prince. I have heard excellent things about it.

Tori said...

I am so sorry to hear that. Yea, we care but I understand most people don't understand so why bother saying anything. My son too thinks nothing is wrong with pot and to be honest there has been times where I wish that I would find just pot. I can't even imagine the pain that you experience losing your child and to now have to experience it again with the little one. I have the 20 y.o. and my 12 almost 13 y.o. and honest to God it is in my mind all the time. Will he go this way because the other one gets so much attention and he doesn't? He knows way more about drugs then he should at 12 and it just scares me. You hope that the experience of the first would make the younger one run from drugs but often it doesn't. I hope you keep us posted on what is going on. I know for me it does help and you are safe here.

Syd said...

Kel, I am sorry but do want you to know that I do care. I am glad that you gave an update. Hopefully, your young son will discover that smoking dope is a losing thing and does affect his thinking. I am sorry that so many lives have been ruined by drugs and alcohol. Take care.

Terri said...

I always thought that my daughter would stay away from drugs because of what we all went through with her brother. She is 18 and her brother is 22. I think she probably got a lot of attention from kids in our town because when my son was younger he was considered cool. Now, she tells me the same people think he is a loser and a joke because of his continued drug use. So, when I learned she has been smoking pot since she was 16 I was disappointed and sad. I don't think much can shock me anymore. I will keep you and your son in my thoughts.

susanj2008 said...

I just found your blog, I'm also a mother of an addict. Mine at this writing is alive, but if the truth be told I have no clue how.
Thank you for having the courage to write, even in the depths of your pain.
Know that you do not walk alone, and there are many of us who have no clue how we got here, we just know here we are and we will do all we can to keep our own Recovery on the move.
Sending you hugs...

~ Tabitha ~ said...

Others care.Just sometimes they do not know how to help you heal.Or to change anything.You need you.And when you need me,I am here for you.

I love you.

xo

Barbara said...

Hi Kel, Believe it or not, I think of you all the time, several times a week.

I think people do care, but some will never know how to express that care because it makes them uncomfortable. People that don't have addicted children can't possibly understand and those that do live in fear of being where you are because we know it could be us tomorrow. There's no easy way to express how much we care....

Designer_NYC said...

i think of you very often, Kel. Will try to email you...
Lisa

Beth said...

Kel. We care, but kudos to you to not letting your pain and fear and sadness run your life. The phrase fake it til you make it really is true sometimes.

I hope things get better with your younger son.

Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog and wanted to tell you that I am so deeply sorry about your son. My prayers will include you tonight.
Take care.
Shelley in SK

A Mom's Serious Blunder said...

Still praying that you and your young son are doing fine. I so wish that our children can learn from others experiences. Even when those consequences are up close, personal and devastating it just doesn't seem to make it any easier. So frustrating...

Anonymous said...

I mentioned several months ago that I got clean because of your blog and what happened to your son. I didn't want to do that to my mom and have her go through what you did.

I thought of you today and wanted to let you know I'm still clean.

Take care Ms. Kel.

Have Myelin? said...

Hi Kel, I just found your blog thanks to Lou. I lost my daughter Nicole to alcoholism in June, 2009.

This kind of pain never goes away. I don't know what to tell you but I am thinking of you. I know that doesn't help but...

And I'm sorry for your loss and struggles.