Thursday, July 24, 2008

I like studying faces in a parking lot, cuz it doesn't remind me of anything...

Today I am feeling frustrated. I am feeling angry with the Prince that he has not called to apologize for his behavior. Which means he doesn't think he is wrong. I am torn as to whether I should call him or wait it out. My gut is telling me to wait it out. He is leaving today for a short vacation down to the coast in MD with his g/f, La Petit, his dad, grandmother and Aunt. His dad's family. I am very pleased that their father is finally remembering he has a family and doing something with them and his family is participating. I am also banging my head against a wall because once again, the Prince is being rewarded and enabled. He is still not working and not even looking for a job. His grandmother must still be buying him his cigarettes and supporting him. So lets take him on vacation because he must be exhausted from partying all night and sleeping and/or doing nothing all day. He certainly deserves a vacation doesn't he?

My mom is going to have dinner with my brother and his girlfriend tonight. They haven't spoken since the blowout on my birthday (one month ago today). My mom has called him daily and he does not return her phone calls. His girlfriend set it up. My mom will bring him all of my dads jewelry and what ever other belongings my brother DEMANDED at the funeral. My brother will trash talk me all night, cry about how broke he is, even though he also does not work, he will complain about his health although he refuses to take care of himself, and my mother will walk away from the evening sympathetic to him and I will look like a martyr, as usual. Whatever.

I hate that my family is so dysfunctional. I really and truly hate it. I need to do some work on myself. I have to go back to detaching and letting go. To not owning other peoples crap. To continue to try to build the life I want for myself. To give up on the pity party and get on with it. Any volunteers out there to give me a good swift kick in the butt to set a fire up under me??

9 comments:

Beth said...

*kick* Seriously, been there... done that, worry about you everyone else will get their crap together in their own time

Misery Marketing said...

Remember to try and not interject logic into a relationship with an insane person.

apathetic bliss said...

there is nothing wrong with a little pity party.....as long as it doesn't turn in to a pity festival!

A dear friend of mine once told me that we get what we can handle even if we think we can't. Hang in there it'll get better.

Sober T said...

Hi. I've been reading your blog (I'm from LI but moved to Va 6 yrs ago). I was like you are, always letting my boys crazyness come before my peace of mind. That is, until I started working on getting sober 5 months ago. I told my ex and my younger son (19) that I was now officially retired and that they both had to grow up and leave me out of their problems. Last week, when I saw my 23 yr old son finishing the last of a half gallon of Jim Beam, I had to turn my worries over to God there too. I can only keep me sober and sane. They will have to survive without my help. It's not easy, but very necessary. Just wanted to wish you good luck.

Syd said...

Just do your thing and forget what they are doing. It's not your business. Enjoy your weekend and forget about what your brother, son, and family are doing. You'll feel a lot better.

Jaqui said...

Have a good weekend and do something great for yourself to take your mind off things. Even if its only for a little bit.

Pam said...

I'm sorry but your 1st paragraph made me laugh out loud darlin'.
"he doesn't think he's wrong" and "call him or wait it out".
Him knowing or not knowing he was wrong is not going to make any difference now..and what the heck would you call him about?
To ask him if he knows he's wrong yet?
Girl....go get a pedi, and see a movie, and eat pasta and have a grand time.

vicariousrising said...

Yes! Take care of you. Maybe I'll come kidnap you and we can get the spa treatment together. :)

Heather said...

*Waving* Hi! You don't know me from Adam but I've read your blog for some time sporadically. This post clicked. I, too, laughed at loud at the does he know he's wrong yet followed by the should I call him. I'm not laughing at you, rather laughing because this sounds like something that I would do.

Please don't pick up your end of the rope. You take care of you. It matters not what he, she, they are doing or not doing. YOU matter. Sounds like you are in need of some pampering...so go to it!

Heather