My blog, as most of my adult and probably much of my adolescent life, has been shaped by the addiction, alcoholism and substance abuse of those around me. As I am about to go through some life altering changes over the next few months, I am going to start focusing on my own recovery, and wherever that may take me, in both my life and my blog. This is long overdue in my life and without it, I fear I may lose myself all together and that is just unacceptable to me.
I recall writing in my profile in the early days of this blog that I would never give up, that I was going to go out kicking and screaming. Unfortunately, the real demons of living with this disease have managed to skew my thinking, allowed me to let my guard down and have made me weak and almost broken me. Almost. But not quite yet.
I need to do alot of soul searching. I need to learn who I am and who I want to be and how I want to live this next phase of my life. I need to stop shutting myself down and starting feeling what needs to be felt. I have to give up my resentments. I have to live with my choices, past, present and future. I need to become strong again and stop feeling sorry for myself and to stop expecting others to feel sorry for me too.
I know that alot of these issues will involve addiction, alcoholism, etc. But I am going to put the focus on me for a while and how I am going to gain serenity. I hope that those of you who still read me will continue to do so, even though the focus may change a bit and there will be less focus on my Prince and his journey.