Lots to catch up on. First off, just want to say how sad I feel to have lost Tabs beautiful blog... it was my first stop each day and I always received such strength from her beautiful writings. I am looking forward to seeing what if anything she will do next. Love to you Tabby!!
The Prince is back at his day program, where he has been for the last year. We took him up to the residential place where we finally had a bed open up for him last week, and they turned us down. Yes. You read that right. They wouldn't admit him. It was actually more of the Insurance company that turned us down. They took a urine test when he got there and it was CLEAN. Crystal clean. No traces of anything, not traces of tampering with his body, not overly hydrated. Clean. He has managed to stay clean for the last three weeks with out the assistance of any treatment. Go figure. It took all day, we fought back and forth. He was ready to go. He wants to get on with it, get back to his program. We were devastated. I have to be honest, I was really upset with his regular program for insisting he go to residential, and throwing him out, and then the residential wouldn't take him. He lost 3 weeks of time and school. So obviously, they allowed him back. Our family therapist was nasty to him. She couldn't believe he was back. She said he didn't belong there. Way to encourage the kid.
He spent Easter with us yesterday at my brothers house. We spent most of the day talking. He finally admitted to me that he did in fact use coke a few weeks ago. He said he admitted it to the program as well. He said once again, that he doesn't want to use drugs anymore, but that he will most likely smoke pot again someday. He said he cant drink anymore, that any time he drinks now, he throws up and he just doesn't enjoy it. I was very pleased to hear that. He still swears he didn't do the angel dust. For now, I will take him at his word. We had a really great conversation, and he says he doesn't want to come back home to live anymore. He said he likes it better this way because we do not fight anymore. It was sad for me to hear that, but he is right and I guess it is better for everyone this way. I just feel like a failure as a Mom sometimes, since my own son doesn't want to live with me.
I finally put my house on the market. I was on vacation last week and spent most of the time fixing things in the house. I patched a few holes that the Prince had punched into them. Patched, spackled and painted. I was very impressed with myself. Until I saw the wall in the light of day. Lets just say I shouldn't rush out and quit my day job in hopes of becoming a contractor.
I am very excited and frightened about this. This will open a whole new chapter in my life. I will get a divorce and live on my own for the first time in my life. I am filled with self doubt.
Its funny. I believe in Karma. I also believe that my house was never a happy home. It is a big beautiful house and I love it. I am so sad to leave it. But nothing happy ever happened in that house. I know that the Prince would have used drugs no matter what, and my dad would have gotten sicker no matter what, and my marriage would have failed no matter where I lived, but it just seems like nothing but sadness has enveloped us since we found that house. We were scheduled to close on it the week of September 11th. It was postponed and alot of problems ensued. The people we bought the house from were horrible disgusting dirty people. The house just never had a warm "vibe".
Last Monday, the weather was gray and cloudy and cold and nasty. The realtor came to the house and we signed the contracts to list the house. As he walked out the door, I swear, the sun came bursting through the clouds and lit up the sky. It was as though the evil cloud was lifting since we were getting rid of the house. I know that makes me sound like an idiot, but I swear, things just feel different.
Ok, it is now time for a public service announcement. My best friend since the 5th grade called me over the weekend and told me she was just diagnosed with cervical cancer. She is 38 years old. She is a beautiful person, inside and out, she is the mother to 2 amazing children. She is a successful business woman. She is also very diligent about getting annual pap smears, doctor visits, etc. Hopefully, that will mean that they caught it very early and she will be ok. She also has the HPV virus, this is what caused her cervical cancer. So please, everyone out there, if you are female, be sure to go your gyno regularly, get your pap smears and mammograms. If you are a male, remind the women in your life that you love to stay on top of this. It could save lives. And think seriously of getting your daughters the HPV vaccine. I do not have a daughter and I am too old for it now myself, I don't know alot about it, so please don't anyone attack me for suggesting it.
We are so busy fighting the battles of addiction lets not let something else kill us that we can avoid. Love and Peace to you all!