"There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it", and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one.
This is my favorite line from the movie Closer. I find it applies to so many situations in my life and those around me. Last night, the Prince and I, had a moment.
I had just walked in the door from work and from being away since Saturday. I went away for a few days and on Tuesday night I slept at my parents house and went to work directly from there. I was tired last night and looked forward to taking a nap.
And then the phone rang. It was the Prince. He was upset. He was more than upset. He was crying his eyes out and raging on and on about how he wasn't going back to his program, that he needed to go out and get high. His girlfriend would not take his calls and he did not know why. He was freaking out. Begging me to let him go get high, that if he could just go get high everything would be better, he could deal with it. He was crying so hard, it broke my heart. I spent about an hour on the phone with him, talking him out of it, calming him down. I was so proud of him. He reached out. He called me, he didn't go out and get high first. I told him that was the first time he had done that. After he calmed down he asked me to come pick him up. I took out for Chinese and then we went back to his grandmothers house and watched a movie together.
It still warms my heart to think how much he still needs his mother. I could feel the love he has for me last night. We talked for awhile after the movie and he told me the truth about what was going on with his girlfriend. He created a myspacee account with a picture of him exhaling smoke, and his screen name or whatever you call it had a reference to marijuana. She stumbled upon it. He doesn't know how but she is furious and is most likely going to break up with him. We talked for a long time about him needing to accept responsibility for his actions, and telling her the truth about the account. He also shared with me how desperately he misses getting high and he would like to just be able to smoke pot and drink. I explained to him that he could never do that like a "normie" and he said, he knew, but he wanted to be able to! It seems he is starting to understand this horror called addiction.
We spoke about maybe attending a NA meeting. He has been very resistant to it, because they have been sort of trying to force that down his throat at his program lately. I am going to call them and ask them to back off a bit about that, and I think maybe he would go if I went with him. I looked up where the local meetings are and will suggest it to him again next week. He is such a sad and broken young man. I am proud of him but I worry so much for him. He is so impulsive and really does not know how to deal with his emotions. His immediate instinct is still to go get high.
But last night, he didn't. One day at a time... right?