Thursday, November 30, 2006

But my dreams aren't as empty....

Today is the one year anniversary of my blog. I don't know what my intention was when I first started it but this is the shape it has taken and I like it. It helps me to get things off my chest, I have come to meet many incredibly supportive recovery people. And I have received I guess what is considered my first spam comment. I don't like it at all.

So. The prince has been living with his grandparents for close to two weeks now. He has gone back to his program. But I think he only went back because he knows his father started the PINS process again, and he risks going back on probation. He doesn't understand that there is very little the courts can do at his age. He will be 18 in 6 months and 2 weeks.

His relapse involved heroin, triple c's and marijuana. That we know of. He admitted to stealing money. I also heard today that he was involved in the dealing of the triple c's. The kid that was thrown out of the program for providing the other kids with the drugs comes from our town. The program recommended he be sent to a residential program. His mom, a single mom, is a teacher in the HS, didn't do it. She is having him home schooled instead. This kid is telling people in town that the Prince was dealing too. Four months ago, I would have doubted this and defended the Prince. Today, it doesn't even surprise me. I won't even ask him. I also came to realize that the heroin incident, could not have been his first time with it. It just doesn't make sense that he would have used it if he never had before.

Last night I had to go to my little guys parent teacher conference. The teacher asked if there was anything going on at home that she should know about, because they are seeing a tremendous difference in the quality of his work this year. He is withdrawn and not working to his potential. He seems sad. I was devastated. I spoke to him about it and he said it has been so hard for him with the Prince around and he is scared of him and for him and he thinks about it all the time and only now that he is not in the house, does he feel better. He is not ready to speak to a shrink yet. I wish he would. He is so good and pure and innocent and eager to please and he is internalizing all of his emotions and I am so afraid he will do what the Prince did. So does this mean I am doing the right thing by not allowing him to stay in the house with us? Will all of my questions ever be answered? Is this really it?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is indeed part of it Kel,
but not all of it.
Life goes on and you sound like you are finding ways to balance your priorities and move on.
Your little one will feel stressed through this,it is very confusing for little people.He probably won't need a to see a shrink long as you give him room to express his concerns etc,he will likely learn to do so more as he matures.
My eldest tried to deal too but was too chicken..thankfully.
He is now doing well and getting to know his youngest better than ever.
There will always be hope for growth as a family but first we have to start with the new seeds.
You keep taking good care Kel..
I just keep reading more and more growth from your garden of life :)
Thanks for sharing~