Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Co-dependency and Cleanliness...

I think one of the reasons I am so reluctant to get myself to an Al-anon or Families Anon meeting is that I am afraid if I "accept" or let go, then I will lose him. That I will be giving my blessing for him to continue with his suicide mission. I know how ridiculous that sounds but I cant help but have the feeling that if I take care of me then I cant take care of him.

The last week or so I have been focusing my energy more on myself. Not driving my self crazy, trying to eat and sleep, taking care of me for a change. And I notice he is a bit indifferent. Like if I am not all over him, he still functions, of course he still BREATHES, and me, I am back to being a basketcase. What is wrong with me???

I feel like he needs me to be rooting for him at all times. He still needs to be mothered, he hasnt showered in a week. Seriously. He has this thing about showering. When he was high on coke and weed and pills and alcohol all the time, I thought it was like normal drug addict behavior. Then after he got into rehab, he still wasn't showering, so I thought it was because he was so severely depressed. After a few weeks, and adjustments to his meds, and getting rid of the toxic girlfriend, I blamed it on laziness. He has a new girlfirend, I mean, who will kiss a guy who hasnt showered or brushed his teeth in over a week?

Is this normal recovery behavior? Or as usual is the prince unique in his battles???? Or is this just something else I need to let go of??

5 comments:

Tab said...

Hi Kel,
I hear your fear of letting go..
it actually enables YOU to see how you can best help your son.
It took me years.I just wrote you about it then saw how long it was and thought...maybe I will set up an email on my blog and we can exchange emails if ya like?
Anyways.
I do not attend Al-Anon.
Lord knows I have thought about it!
I do read the Courage to Change.
I have another book called the
Language of Letting Go which I honestly have been reading for over ten years ,every single morning.
My daily reading helps keep me focused on my personal and spiritual needs. I just need it for me.I enjoy the steps,in my own way.
Again..this works for me.
Try different things you feel may work for you...you are not going to be responsible for your son if anything BAD should happen to him.
I look at it this way.
My son was doing way more when I was enabling..now that I have let go..he has slowed down..has no where to hide AND is growing!!!!
I know in my heart...should something bad happen to him..
it will not be anything I could have prevented.That is the biggest lesson I am learning as a Mom.
My kids are going to do what ever they are going to do...I cannot stop them but I will never stop believing in them making the right decisions...no matter how many times they need to make the mistakes to get there.
Ugh..look how long this is again..lol
I am so setting up an email tonight. LOL..I will get my hubby to help me and I will link it up to my blog ..LOL.
YOU keep in touch..I enjoy your input too...it is so important.
See how sharing can help ?!!!!!!
Thank you for sharing Kel.

LOL ...these comments just keep getting longer...LOL !!!!!!!!!

PS.The shower thing ..I am sure he will eventually feel inclined to take better care of that stuff.
In the meantime..try not to raise too much attention to it or he may put it off even longer ! lol :P

Tab said...

Kel,just to let you know..
they way your e mail here is
set up it apppears I need to already know your addy before I
can email...?
Jeese ..I feel like I am just moving right in here..I think I will take the room closest to the bathroom..LOL.
Tab.

Trudging said...

I get your fear. I think we Mom's in general have a hard time letting go. You might just want to check
Al-Anon out and see if it fits.

Trudging said...

P.S. My father-in-law is burried on Long Island. I may go visit him sometime this fall and maybe we can have lunch.

SCoUt said...

Hang close to Tab, and I also agree with Trudge -- just try Al-Anon through an entire beginners cycle and see what happens for you. If it feels gross after you are done, then stop. But give it an honest try. I believe you will find a better way to help your son because you'll find a better way to help yourself first.
Oh, one more thing, I never met an adolecent male who DIDN'T go through the not wanting to shower deal -- drug addict or not. He'll grow out of it eventually--although he is getting a slight bit old for that sort of stuff.... ;)
Peace,
Scout