I think one of the reasons I am so reluctant to get myself to an Al-anon or Families Anon meeting is that I am afraid if I "accept" or let go, then I will lose him. That I will be giving my blessing for him to continue with his suicide mission. I know how ridiculous that sounds but I cant help but have the feeling that if I take care of me then I cant take care of him.
The last week or so I have been focusing my energy more on myself. Not driving my self crazy, trying to eat and sleep, taking care of me for a change. And I notice he is a bit indifferent. Like if I am not all over him, he still functions, of course he still BREATHES, and me, I am back to being a basketcase. What is wrong with me???
I feel like he needs me to be rooting for him at all times. He still needs to be mothered, he hasnt showered in a week. Seriously. He has this thing about showering. When he was high on coke and weed and pills and alcohol all the time, I thought it was like normal drug addict behavior. Then after he got into rehab, he still wasn't showering, so I thought it was because he was so severely depressed. After a few weeks, and adjustments to his meds, and getting rid of the toxic girlfriend, I blamed it on laziness. He has a new girlfirend, I mean, who will kiss a guy who hasnt showered or brushed his teeth in over a week?
Is this normal recovery behavior? Or as usual is the prince unique in his battles???? Or is this just something else I need to let go of??