Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The calm before the storm?

Things are calm. But I keep having this feeling of dread like it is the calm before the storm. The princes girlfriend got a job, working afterschool and on weekends, so she hasn't been around a lot the last week or so. It makes him out of sorts. He is restless. Seems a little depressed. Friday night he stayed up all night drinking espresso and playing a computer game so he could sleep away most of Saturday because he didn't have anything else to do. Did the same thing on Saturday night. Sunday night we went to my parents house for dinner. He went, but he had an attitude. He was fighting with his brother all night. Told him to get the F out of the room when he was talking to his GF on the phone. So I told him not to speak that way in his grandparents house or to his brother. Period. He had a tantrum and told me I ruined his night and then went to take a nap.

Last week he told me that the anitdepressants were giving him some rather unpleasant sexual side effects. He is waiting to talk to his doctor at the program about it. His regular doc just left on maternity leave and the new one hasn't gotten to see him yet. He doesn't want me to call, he wants to take care of it on his own.

So of course, now I am worried that this will affect the relationship with the GF. I know it sounds like I am giving my blessing to him being sexual active, and I am not. However, I know that you can not stop them from doing it so I try hard to keep the communication open with this stuff so he will talk to me and I can be sure he is being safe. Its awkward and uncomfortable, but I know he feels like he can tell me everything.

I received a call from his probation officer this morning. She left me a voicemail. He is officially off PINS. I am now on my own. I am pleased because that means he is improving and doing better, but it was the last piece of leverage I had over him at all. I am afraid he will now drop the program and do what he wants.

I guess this is adding to my trepidation today. I can just feel something brewing. Is this just more co-dependent behavior? Or is it ok to feel like this?


Clay Bethelbridge said...

This is very interesting. You are a good blogger. You express alot.

Tab said...

Kel,anything you feel is ok .

I understand that odd feeling like the roof is about to cave in..I hope you work on letting that one go.It is indeed a codependent trait..often learned by living with alcoholics and the drama and mood swings that come with it I think.

You cannot change the outcome for your son but your son can.He needs to get his meds adjusted , that is important to him.Good thing.
Anything he acts responsible for is an act of maturity and growth.yes?

Life sounds calm for you right now.
Same in my boat too..I work daily to let go of that suspicious calm before the storm feeling..lets me live for today :)
(takes practice.. lol!)

Hope you are remembering your time to collect some serenity for yourself Kel:) That can be a nice thing to work on..lol

Thanks for sharing~