Monday, July 24, 2006

Relapse......

So after almost 15 weeks of sobriebty and clean time, the prince had his first, well at least the first that I am aware of, slip. As of Friday afternoon he had finally earned and maintained enough points for 5 consecutive weeks, to achieve modified curfew. He was to write a 750 word essay over the weekend, and today, Monday at the "points meeting" at his program, he would have presented his essay and claimed his points and then after a discussion between our family therapist and myself, he would have been given modified curfew status. Meaning, that he would be allowed to leave the house unsupervised each day from 4:30 to 6:30 p.m., he would have been given back access to the internet and he would be allowed out all day on Saturday and for a few hours on Friday or Saturday night. I was anxious about the idea of it, but also a little releived. We have all been on house arrest for the last 15 weeks. I was nervous about him being allowed back into the real world, not quite sure that I felt secure enough with his sobriety or his desire to stay clean to trust it. Alas, it dodnt matter because on Friday night, he fucked up.

It was my best friends birthday and I had plans to meet her for dinner. AH was to stay home with the boys and I would go to dinner. He of couse gave me a hard time cause he had to work overtime on Friday but I gave him enough notice and I refused to cancel my plans. Im on the verge of a breakdown here and I really just needed a night out with the girls. I told him I would get home as early as I could but not to expect me before 11. When I got home the bathroom was a mess and smelled like vomit. THe prince told me his friend was over with our permission, and that he was "lactose intolerant" and had vomitted. Yeah right. And maybe he has a bridge he could sell me as well. AH, actually believed the story, but hey, hes a drunk himself so I guess he believes the lies easier than I do. So I told my son, if that is the case you will have no problem with me checking your room, and I did. I found his clothes shoved in the clothes caked with vomit. Bam. Busted, so he said, ok, I was the one that threw up but I dont know why and I swea I wasnt drinking. Right. So, I continued my search, and sure enough I found a giant empty beer bottle. Ba-bam.

So I said look, Im not going to fight, just go to bed and we will deal with it at the program on Monday. He went ballistic. F-ing psycho crazy. Punching walls, flipping out, etc. He knew his shot at modified curfew just got knocked back 5 or 6 weeks. He completely flipped. Woke up my younger son who started crying hysterically, all of the drama really effects him. Then he said he was leaving. And he took off, I told him if he took one step off of the porch, I would be on the phone with 911 and that I had still had a PINS petition in place and that the right thing to do was to just calm down and go to bed. He wasnt having it. So, he bolted. And I called 911 and then his program. So the police were fantastic, that found him within 20 mins, picked him up and brought him home. He was beligerant and nasty and horrible to the cops. Unbelieveable. I mean where didthis kid come from? I would never, never in all of my life speak to someone they way he treated the police and us. So the drama continued for a few hours, the cops tore his room apart and found more empties. There was no sign of any drugs at least. He threatened all night to leave so no one got any sleep that night.

Saturday when he woke up he was slightly humble but adamant that he was not going to go back to rehab. No way no how. I said if he didnt go back I would go to court and follow through with the PINS and he would end up being sent away. He said he would take off and run away and we would never see him again if we did that. I said at 17 you no longer run away, you emancipate and move out. I am tired of the threats. I tried to reinforce all of the good work he did over the last 15 weeks, that one night doesnt erase that and spiraling back into his old behavior was not the solution. I kept telling him that we still love him and that this is a slip and that he just needed to get back up, get back into the program and take his lumps and get back to work.

Somehow he agreed. I spoke to his program early this morning, there will be a response given to him, either rule writing or an essay or both. He will lose all points for last week and modified curfew is now at a minimum of 5 weeks away. He is not going to be a happy camper. I can not stand the idea of him being manipulative and trying to bully me into getting his way. I had been a little leniant the last week or two and allowed his girlfirend to come over and another friend of theirs even though I wasnt supposed to. I am very torn. Keeping a 17 year old man-boy looked up 24/7 for the last 4 months is necessary to keep him clean, but also, in his mind it is a prison sentence and I need to keep the peace in the house as well. So I dont know what to do now. He was already telling me he wants to see the GF today and I know they will not grant him permission to do anything for the next week or two. So if I follow the rules to the T, I rish another outbreak and him bolting, but he also needs to know there are rules and consequences and I just dont know what to do anymore. Seriously. I am drained.

And I am sad and lonely. I know intellectually that it could be so much worse. But right now, it just sucks to be me.

Any comments??

6 comments:

THE SCRIBE said...

Kel, thanks for stopping by my blog and posting such personal comments. Your a real one. As for the relapse post, I just wanted to say surrender and release. Let it go. I know for myself I can make a situation worse just with pondering on what another might feel. In times of adversity people are looking for strength from others. Their looking for you to take their minds away from where it's at. If you are gonna ponder and think about how a person will feel or does feel, make sure you take your thoughts and turn them into results for that individual. Meaning, if you think writing(poems) may help somebody, give them a poem to have and to hold. Anyways, I'm not trying to preach, it's just that your post inspired me and I wanted to pass on the inspiration. Drop by anytime and post, Mike...

Melody said...

Oh how I feel for you... I totally relate from both sides of the coins.. as a parent myself... omg.. I can't imagine how hard it would be.. and as a teen in a similar situation.. I sooo remember how I felt...

I kept messing up.. My mother did finally go the PINS route.. which I frankly think, saved my life. I was much younger, only 14 and found myself in different placements, drug treatement, halfways houses, psych wards, group homes... and I figured out at age 16 I had to get my act together or I'd be in lock up (that was the last stop according to the courts).. Your son is 17, so he'll be out on his own soon... I think you need to cut him some slack when it comes to his GF... but stay tight with the grounding at home... and let him KNOW that his use is not acceptable... *HUGS*.. You are in a really, really hard position...hang in there and take care of yourself.

Greg said...

Kel, Thanks for taking time to read my blog. I visited your blog this morning before work, but their was so musc that I wanted to say I just didn't have time...so I thought about it all day and only came Up with a book of stuff I'd like to share...I ran away from home 10 times. on the tenth I was 14 and I have not been home since...My mother has passed away and not once...until reading your blog did I ever think of the hell I was putting her through. It was ALL about me. My problems. You abuse me. You dont Love me enough You dont support me...what ever I hated my mom and now Every day I wish I had her back...Growing up no one could tell me anything. No one not even the cops.I knew everything. Man oh Man where did I ever get that stupid idea...For me I think looking back...it was my moms death and prision 3 mo after that straightend my ass out. it only took 14 years but I'm doing ok...what I'm trying to say is this. Your son is going to do what ever he wants to do no matter how much love you give him, how much punishment, PINS, Lock up (in the house or a program) Grounding...what ever. He's going to do what his addiction tells him to do and well he cant do anything about it. He might in his heart HATE doing the things he does but The disease has allready begun its course.
Go to meetings with him, Go to alanon ... If I can ever be of any help you know how to find me...Have a good day

Greg said...

hows it goin???

muylajuana said...

As the mother of two sons with substance abuse problems, I can tell you that you are powerless over your son and his addiction. Kel, ASAP go to an Al-anon or Nar-anon meeting. Keep going until you find a good strong meeting with lots of recovery. You deserve
a life. Let go, dear Kel. Let God.
I'll be in europe a couple of weeks but will check back in with you when I return. I send you love.

working mom NYC said...

Kel,
I am searching for answers for my son's issues and I wish you all the best with your son, who is a couple of years older. I am a "Friend of Bill" for 8 years and so do hear a lot of advice at my meetings - so many of my other AA colleagues have kids who also have substance abuse problems. Many of them do find a way into recovery, others are not there yet. Do you feel that the PINS petition has helped you? My son's school is about to file a request due to his truancy. He isn't yet heavily into drugs, just experimenting, but I feel that he's on that path. Luckily I have a great sponsor in AA who gives me sound advice - she has been through all of this and keeps her sanity.