Tomorrow will be 10 weeks clean for the prince. I am so proud and so torn and so frightend. My therapist tells me I am suffering from a really bad case of the what-ifs. The program he is in seems to be working. I dont know how or why, but it is working. He does not give me a hard time about going. He is still on "house arrest", and is not allowed to go out of the house yet. He is still have alot of problems with his lack of coping skills. Now, since he cant go out and get wasted and drunk, he has started cutting. Self mutilation. Is there no end? He started on the arm, a bunch of supperficial cuts, and then when I found out, he moved to his upper thigh. I have not seen the cuts first hand, but I see the blood stains on his boxers and shorts occasionally. I am not sure how to handle it. I let his therapist know it is still going on, and I let him know that I am aware that he is still doing it. I dont make a big deal, I just tell him that I know he is still doing it, and that it scares me and I wish so much he would stop and would utilize some of the great support system that is available to him at home and in his program. I do not want to bring too much attention to it because part of me feels that he is still very much like the little 14 year boy who he has locked deep within himself with drugs and alcohol abuse. I feel like he so badly wants my attention and still doesnt know how to reach out and ask for it, so I acknowledge, show concern and fear, offer to talk about it and then I let it go.
The girlfriend or exgirfriend is still in and out of the picture.She is toxic to him. She wants him, then she doesnt want him. Back and forth, off and on. She tortures him and drives him crazy. She knows he can not leave the house and that she can only come over if he writes a written request to his program. So he writes it, they make plans, he prepares all day and then she blows him off to go out and get drunk. Then she calls him drunk and crying. If I could reach through the phone lines and choke thislittle b*tch, I would. But this goes back to his lack of coping skills and his inablility to make positive choices in his life. It just breaks my heart.
But, alas. Tomorrow, TEN WEEKS CLEAN!!!!! I can only pray that he will embrace this forever and not just to get out of the program.