Monday, April 10, 2006

My Life has become a Lifetime movie

I let the prince go out for two hours on Friday night and he came home as high as a kite. His eyes were two bloodshot little slits and his attitude and mannerisms were right back to his old ways. I was actually too physically and emotionally drained to deal with it, as I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. So I packed an overnight bag and left him with his father and took off to my parents house.

I know it wasn't the adult mature responsible way to handle the situation, but I honestly do not know how much more I can take. So I left and had another breakdown at my parents house and went to sleep and actually slept straight through the night and halfway into Saturday afternoon. Then I went to see my old therapist. He reinforced that I was doing the right thing and we started working on my future life goals. We dont do the lets go back and rehash your childhood thing. I actually had a relatively pleasant and normal childhood. My mom and I then took the kids to one of those Jillians places where they could play video games and such for an hour or two.

Sunday the prince started working. My neighbor is a chef and he hired him at his restaurant/pizzeria as a bus boy. He was a little nervous and excited, I was so nervous for him. I made the mistake (Or was it not a mistake? I just don't know anymore) of going through his room and jacket after I dropped off at work. I found a bag of pot in his jacket, rolling papers and my mothers Macy's credit card in his desk drawer. Nice. Real F-ing nice. Does it ever end???

I was a physical mess all day. My mom called Macy's and thankfully there had been no charges on the account. My husband was working OT as usual yesterday, and he was home later than necessary. I suspected he would be intoxicated when he got home. Fun keeps on coming. So I picked up the Prince and confronted him about the credit card and the weed that I flushed down the toilet. His response about the card was that he used to chop up and snort a vicodan last time he was at my parents and he forgot he had it. I almost believe him. I almost wish he was planning on a shopping spree. I told him to go upstairs and disconnect his internet or I would go up and cut the wire. He said, go ahead, I don't care, so I calmly grabbed a scissor, walked up the stairs and snipped it. He then proceeded to tell me how much he hates my guts and I told that I hate him just as much, I know, very mature.

At this point his drunken father goes running up there screaming at him, antagonizing him to take a swing at him so he could call the cops and have him arrested. I know getting the cops involved or him running away will speed up the PINS and the court process, but I don't think it is fair to provoke the kid. I had to get myself in between them, all 115 llbs of myself, and although I got tossed around a bit I managed to keep them from killing each other but my son started to try to bolt and run off. I wouldn't let him, I wrapped myself around him and begged him to stay, I don't think him hitting the streets and getting drunk and high would help anything. Then he screamed to his dad that he could smell the alcohol coming off of him and that he was a drunken alcoholic, and this set his dad off again, but then I told him he had to go, had to leave until he was calm. My poor 10 year old was screaming and crying through all of this. I was able to get my son back into the house and I was trying to make him let me hold him and I finally got him calm enough to sit and talk for awhile

This morning we had an intake appointment at a long term day treatment program for substance abusing teens. Our goal has been to get him to go in voluntarily and to avoid the court ordering it. Well, that is my goal anyway. Its a hard core, strict as all h*ll program. If he commits to it I think it will help. He miraculously agreed to go. He said he wants to be the one in control. The program is anywhere from 8 months to the high achievers to 14 months for the others. In 14 months he will be 18. It is my wish that he spend the next 14 months in there and graduate HS from there, and never ever set foot in the High School again. He said he plans on finishing the program by September and attending the HS for his senior year. I'm not going to argue at this point, as long as he will go, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

We will have to have another pych eval later in the week and then they will meet and discuss his plan and then he will start there. He is still currently attending the partial program at the other place so at least he is off the streets and out of the HS for the next week or two. I need this program to work. I am running out of time and out of options. I am torn, part of me thinks he knows how deep in he is and wants help, and part of me thinks he is so deep in that he just manipulates me and knows how to work the system here. Its strange. I mean he will snort any kind of drug he can get his hands on but he always meets curfew. Such mixed signals. I still feel like the tug of war is skewed just slightly enough in my direction that I can pull him back. Or maybe I'm just totally dellusional.