Friday, June 20, 2008

Never be down, I said don't ever, cause its gonna keep 'em hanging around...

Apologies to anyone who is still reading my blog for my complete slacking off in posting. There has just been too much going on, too many emotions to sort out, too much life getting in the way with life, you know?

First off, thank you for all of your kind words of support and sympathy for the loss of my Father. I am taking it one day at a time and trying to work through my feelings and grief. I am quite sure I am supressing my feelings, because while I often feel sad, it has not completely sunk in that I will never see my Dad again, it is as though he is still in a nursing home or a hospital somewhere and I will get to see him this weekend. Only he is not, and I will not.

I was going to update on all of the things going on for me in this post, but I think I will stick with where I started. I would like to share with you some of the things I learned when I lost my father.

--> Its true when they say you really do not know who your friends are until a tragedy strikes. I have come to realize there are people in my life that I thought would alwasys be there because we have "history", we go back a long way, etc. Well, they call, they show up at the appropriate time and place, but that doesnt mean they are "there" for you.

--> It is also true that there are some friends who will just blow you away with their loyalty and love for you. People who you would not expect to be bothered, show up and become the Rockstars. It is those friends and people in my life that I am grateful for.

--> Family, {{sigh}} Can't pick 'em, can't kill 'em. My brother could not be bothered to come to the funeral home with us to choose th casket and make the arrangements. He was not feeling "well" and it was just too uncomfortable for him. Cause really, I mean, can you even think of a better way to send the first Saturday in June????

--> My brother also sat in the Widows Chair at the wake, like the Godfather himself waiting for the visitors to come forward and kiss his ring. I mean seriously. We are Irish for Petes sake!

--> He then spent the time in between the wakes harassing my mother about when he would be receiving all of my father's jewelry. Harassing her to the point of bringing her to tears. I am still just beyond upset about this and have come to realize that my brother and I will never have a relationship of any kind, especially once my mother passes. He is just disgusting as far as I am concerned. My mother also offered to give him $2,000 from the insurance settlement. His response? "Is that all?" Did you ever???

I can actually go on and on with stories about that week, but it is really upsetting me more than I thought and I just don't want to go there.

I hope you are all well and sober and healthy.


BHM said...

What a lot of BS for you in this sad time. When my son became a heroin addict,I found out who my friends were fast.But the ones that struck around I now know will be there forever.
Good to hear from you, and take your time.

Misery Marketing said...

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you cant pick your friends noses. Im sorry you are being let down by humanity. Unfortunately most peoples relationships are not stronger than the bonds of convenience including family. How are you and your boys doing? Did you actually quit smoking? My guess is no but only because its so freaking hard and with all the shit youve been through I know I wouldnt be quitting right now. Looking forward to your next post. Miss ya

~MsManna~ said...

So sorry to hear about your father's passing. I lost my mom a few year's ago and I know how hard it is. You will be in my prayers.

Syd said...

It's hard to realize that family means a blood relationship and that can be all. Some families are close and others make life miserable. People are just people with all their ego based behavior. Hang in there.

vicariousrising said...

Hey Misery, can I pick your nose?

Kel, I believe Dante has written about special places in Hell for people like your brother. Yuck. Maybe he and my brother will be dancing around the fire there.

Lots of love to you. Take care of you. (and huggo the kiddos)