It has been a extremely eventful week. My house is sold. I made an offer on a two family house with my parents, and it was accepted, and my parents have accepted an offer on their home as well. It would seem that by sometime mid-November, I will be divorced, and living in a two family home with La Petit, my parents and myself, in a new neighborhood beginning a new life. I am frightened and excited.
I heard through the grapevine that AH is planning on moving into Queens, which is about 35 miles or so from where we are moving. It seems that taking an active, continuous, and involved role in the lives of his boys, is simply not on his agenda. I do not know why I am letting this bother me so much. His living arrangements are being influenced by his own needs and convenience. My living arrangements are being influenced by the needs of my children and my parents. Ideally, this is not what I would like to be doing. I am going to be forty years old and I am going to move in with my parents. I am going to be a single woman. Way to score a love life with mom and dad living below me. I would love to move closer to my job to cut out some of my commuting time, but it would be unfair of me to do that to La Petit, to move him where he doesn't know a soul, 30 miles away from his friends and family. So I am making the sacrifice. As I always do. I am taking one for the team.
I am starting to feel like I am the one who is always making the sacrifices. That there will never be a time just for me. AH gets to drop what little responsibility he has, and rent a cheap apartment to keep his expenses down and I have to be the responsible one to buy a home in a solid neighborhood with good schools and strap myself financially. And LP is the one who has to suffer for it. I fear he will start to develop abandonment issues. First the Prince left and now his Dad. If I felt confident that AH would stay involved in his life I would not be so worried. But when a boy loses all of the men in his life to alcoholism, addiction and divorce, what is this setting him up for in the future?