Relapse......

So after almost 15 weeks of sobriebty and clean time, the prince had his first, well at least the first that I am aware of, slip. As of Friday afternoon he had finally earned and maintained enough points for 5 consecutive weeks, to achieve modified curfew. He was to write a 750 word essay over the weekend, and today, Monday at the "points meeting" at his program, he would have presented his essay and claimed his points and then after a discussion between our family therapist and myself, he would have been given modified curfew status. Meaning, that he would be allowed to leave the house unsupervised each day from 4:30 to 6:30 p.m., he would have been given back access to the internet and he would be allowed out all day on Saturday and for a few hours on Friday or Saturday night. I was anxious about the idea of it, but also a little releived. We have all been on house arrest for the last 15 weeks. I was nervous about him being allowed back into the real world, not quite sure that I felt secure enough with his sobriety or his desire to stay clean to trust it. Alas, it dodnt matter because on Friday night, he fucked up.

It was my best friends birthday and I had plans to meet her for dinner. AH was to stay home with the boys and I would go to dinner. He of couse gave me a hard time cause he had to work overtime on Friday but I gave him enough notice and I refused to cancel my plans. Im on the verge of a breakdown here and I really just needed a night out with the girls. I told him I would get home as early as I could but not to expect me before 11. When I got home the bathroom was a mess and smelled like vomit. THe prince told me his friend was over with our permission, and that he was "lactose intolerant" and had vomitted. Yeah right. And maybe he has a bridge he could sell me as well. AH, actually believed the story, but hey, hes a drunk himself so I guess he believes the lies easier than I do. So I told my son, if that is the case you will have no problem with me checking your room, and I did. I found his clothes shoved in the clothes caked with vomit. Bam. Busted, so he said, ok, I was the one that threw up but I dont know why and I swea I wasnt drinking. Right. So, I continued my search, and sure enough I found a giant empty beer bottle. Ba-bam.

So I said look, Im not going to fight, just go to bed and we will deal with it at the program on Monday. He went ballistic. F-ing psycho crazy. Punching walls, flipping out, etc. He knew his shot at modified curfew just got knocked back 5 or 6 weeks. He completely flipped. Woke up my younger son who started crying hysterically, all of the drama really effects him. Then he said he was leaving. And he took off, I told him if he took one step off of the porch, I would be on the phone with 911 and that I had still had a PINS petition in place and that the right thing to do was to just calm down and go to bed. He wasnt having it. So, he bolted. And I called 911 and then his program. So the police were fantastic, that found him within 20 mins, picked him up and brought him home. He was beligerant and nasty and horrible to the cops. Unbelieveable. I mean where didthis kid come from? I would never, never in all of my life speak to someone they way he treated the police and us. So the drama continued for a few hours, the cops tore his room apart and found more empties. There was no sign of any drugs at least. He threatened all night to leave so no one got any sleep that night.

Saturday when he woke up he was slightly humble but adamant that he was not going to go back to rehab. No way no how. I said if he didnt go back I would go to court and follow through with the PINS and he would end up being sent away. He said he would take off and run away and we would never see him again if we did that. I said at 17 you no longer run away, you emancipate and move out. I am tired of the threats. I tried to reinforce all of the good work he did over the last 15 weeks, that one night doesnt erase that and spiraling back into his old behavior was not the solution. I kept telling him that we still love him and that this is a slip and that he just needed to get back up, get back into the program and take his lumps and get back to work.

Somehow he agreed. I spoke to his program early this morning, there will be a response given to him, either rule writing or an essay or both. He will lose all points for last week and modified curfew is now at a minimum of 5 weeks away. He is not going to be a happy camper. I can not stand the idea of him being manipulative and trying to bully me into getting his way. I had been a little leniant the last week or two and allowed his girlfirend to come over and another friend of theirs even though I wasnt supposed to. I am very torn. Keeping a 17 year old man-boy looked up 24/7 for the last 4 months is necessary to keep him clean, but also, in his mind it is a prison sentence and I need to keep the peace in the house as well. So I dont know what to do now. He was already telling me he wants to see the GF today and I know they will not grant him permission to do anything for the next week or two. So if I follow the rules to the T, I rish another outbreak and him bolting, but he also needs to know there are rules and consequences and I just dont know what to do anymore. Seriously. I am drained.

And I am sad and lonely. I know intellectually that it could be so much worse. But right now, it just sucks to be me.

Any comments??