This is the Prince's hand, and in it is a white welcome key chain from NA. We went to our first meeting Saturday morning. All I can say is WOW. It was really great. The group ranged from the Prince's age to a few men in their 60's. Some had been clean a few weeks, some had 15 years or more. They welcomed him AND I with open arms. When I introduced my self as his Mom the whole group broke into applause. They thought it was wonderful that I was there with and for him. So of course it even got to be all about ME at an NA meeting too!!!
The group gave him a list of phone numbers and names and all welcomed him to call at any time. He looked a little bored some of the time, and I wasn't sure if he was just there cause he had to be or because he wanted to be, but, hey, he was there right??? I think he will get more out of these meetings than he has gotten out of the program. He has always felt strongly that only people who have been where he has been can relate to his problems. I was concerned when he introduced himself and he said his name and that he was in recovery. He did not say he was addict which scares me, thinking maybe he doesn't think he is an addict? He is also such a shy kid. Not to mention a Mommas boy!!! He made me come outside with him during the break, where all of the members went out to smoke and I do mean ALL. I haven't smoked since October 13th and I have to say, I had NO desire to light up!!! Yay me! He also made me walk him to the bathroom. I spoke to other members and they said it would be OK for me to attend meetings with him for a while and that hopefully, in time, he would feel comfortable enough to come on his own and will hopefully get himself a sponsor, etc. and wouldn't need me to come along. At that point, they will direct me to Nar-anon for meeeeee.
We plan on going to 3-4 meetings a week. He does not want to try another area for a meeting, he liked it where we went. I still want him to try another place just in case he needs it sometime. I feel a little hope for his future now. I know it will be rocky for him, but at least now that he has found the rooms and has heard others stories, he will know he will always have support and he can always come back.
So, a big shout out to all of my sober blogger peeps who have written so eloquently about the magic of the rooms, as I knew from reading of your experiences, that we would be welcomed with open arms.
Still no word from the Italian and as every day passes, it hurts a little bit less. He is back with the ex-girlfriend. I know this because she is actively harassing me again. Lots of hang up blocked calls, nasty emails, etc. And you know what? She can have him. I do deserve better (thank you all of my buddies who helped convince me of this with all of your comments!!!) and some day, I will find it. Right now, I need to focus on my Prince and getting him through the rest of this program and hopefully out of HS in June, selling my house, and finding my place.
I am still feeling so much anger towards my Mom and everyone else around me, but I am trying to contain it and not be evil to everyone. Alienating myself will get me nowhere. Its just something I do, when I hurt, I lash out and hurt those that I love most. I try to build up that wall to protect myself and I am thinking maybe there are better ways of dealing with the pain.
Monday Morning Gratitude
- I made it through the weekend, even without a man in my life to love me.
- Little colored key chains marking milestones. Talk about your positive reinforcement!!
- My dad still in the hospital, but he is still here.
- Almost 7 smoke fee months and no desire to light up!
- Fun downloadable ring tones for my cell phone. Now when it rings, it makes me smile a little.
- The possibility of maybe finding a place in rooms with my Prince.
- My blogger buddies, who just get me, even when it seems that no one else does.
- My Rangers winning it yesterday in double OT
- Sunshine and a long weekend coming up... going away with my gurlies.
Peace and love to you all.